Mission Five: Working the Sexy

A photo shoot. Point and click. It's as easy as shooting a would-be nay-sayer. So, I didn't expect much trouble. I could get this thing done in a few minutes and be back in time to make some conference calls with some of my major clients. Paper, as incredible as it is, doesn't sell itself. (Note to self: Check into self-selling paper.)

I met the photographer.


"Alright, Chubby McGee, let's get this over with." I made my typical stand-and-look-at-the-camera pose and awaited the flash.


Suddenly, water squirted out of his camera. It got all over my face. Drops ran from my glasses. The photographer laughed as he jumped onto a unicycle. He peddled away shouting, "Xavier sends his regards!"

My photo shoot was ruined! My conference call would have to wait. I had some hairless crippled ass to kick.

Before I could get to plotting my revenge, I needed to finish the challenge. So, I called up Claire. She arrived and we discussed strategy.



"The glasses are my thing, Claire. They're a trademark."

"You have to lose 'em," she argued. "Trust me, Dad. You'll look way totally sexy. That Sylar guy won't have nothing on you!"

She was the expert, so with reluctance I removed my glasses.

We found ourselves a new photographer. He was some nobody named Greg Beeman. (Hmm...Beeman? I wonder if he's any relation to Henchy.) He aimed his camera and began clicking away. "Let's see more umph," he'd say every few seconds.

I umphed my hardest and by the end of the day, we had our shots.


Elegant.


Charming.


Confident.


Cool.


"Dad!" Claire screamed. "No glasses!"

"Sorry...I just had to put 'em on. The Slusho was being suspicious. Look at the stain it left on this excellent piece of paper."



We had enough shots. It was time to plan our disruption of Professor Ixnay on the Airhay's photo shoot.

After much deliberation, we decided to infiltrate his photo crew and readjust the exposure settings on their cameras. "With his shiny bald head, the glare will completely drown out the photos! He'll look like a complete idiot...or Jesus. Either way, he won't be winning this challenge."

Back in my room I laughed out loud at the ruined pictures of the handicapable fool.