Friday, June 27, 2008

Xavier grumbles

"This can't be right," I said to Jon. "I'm the ship's doctor?"

"Well yeah, but not really," he answered. "I mean you won't have to treat anyone or anything. The fact is, I just had to assign each player to a certain part so, you know . . "

"Well I just think it would make more sense for me to be the Captain, don't you? I am after all the head administrator of a large school full of very powerful mutant children. I have my own private army and I'm the most powerful telepath on the planet. Even on Hacknor."

"Yeah, I know that. Look, it really doesn't mean anything. It was random."

"You assigned the roles?" I asked, leadingly.
"Then you can re-assign them," I suggested.

"Well no, see, we already ran the promo and everything. I tell you what though, the next time we do a Love Boat challenge, you can be the captain."

"But Noah Bennet? The man is a sociopath."

"Oh, is that what this is about?" I heard Jon think as a knowing grin crossed his face. "I'm sorry," he said. "Look, I've got to run. I've got this, uh, thing."

With a sigh I rolled my chair over to the entrance to greet my passengers. The first to walk through the door was a rather odd looking, thin man who was making very strange ooh sounds.

"Ooooh . . this sooo exciting," he said in a bizarre, high-pitched, silted voice. Perhaps this man is a mutant. If so, Magneto can have him.

"My name is E-mo," he told me. "Ee-mo Phillips."

"Wonderful," I answered.

"I am looking forward to finding true love."

Walking in behind him was a tall, rather harsh looking old man with white hair. I looked again and realized it was Bea Arthur.

"I have always dreamed of going on an enchanted cruise," Emo droned own. "It would be there that all my hopes of finding the perfect mate would be realized."

Bea Arthur came to a stop next to Emo. As she glanced down at him, a look of condescending revulsion crossed her face. Perfect.

I reached into both of their minds and rearranged various elements. As they turned to look at each other, their eyes suddenly filled with glowing adoration. All at once they flew into each others arms and began passionately kissing. My stomach started to kick in protest.

"Please!" I whispered sharply. "Here's your room key. Go!"

As they skipped off, hand in hand, a loud thumping started to fill the ship. The floor began to shake with each thump. There, over the ramp, came Granny Goodness in a bikini. Everyone on the deck started screaming and running to jump over the rail.

Granny waddled over towards me. We were now the only people on the deck.

"Uh yes," she said. "My name is Goodness and I am here for some sweet, sweet lovin'."

I forced myself to look into her face. For the first time in my life, my mind was blank.

"Now what I want is a smart man," she told me. "And he has to be handsome. Someone in good shape. Oh, and he has to have a job. Something in management with a good salary. And maybe he has a hint of mystery, you know. But he's got to be intelligent. He's got to look intelligent. Maybe he has glasses or something."

Then a lightbulb went off.

I gave Granny a room key and told her to give me 10 minutes, her dream man would be waiting for her. Next I went below deck. Finding two strong looking crewmen, I took mental control of them. Then we hurried to the stern supply closet where Mr. Bennet was hiding himself as played with his Rainbow Brite collection.

"Grab him men," I told the two crewmen.

"What's the meaning of this, Professor?" Bennet spluttered. I wanted to tell him but I couldn't stop laughing.

I had the crewmen drag Bennet down to Granny's room and tie him to the bed. Bennet was yelping the most horrible things, so I had his mouth taped.

Then he stopped squirming as we all heard the pounding footsteps of Granny Goodness as she lumbered down the hall. A wicked grin crossed my face.

Granny appeared in the doorway. I decided to leave the two love-birds alone. As I rolled down the hall, a horrible wailing followed me. I realized, of course, that I could have simply taken over Bennet's mind. Perhaps made him think that Granny was Megan Fox or someone like that. But this was so much more fun. In fact, at the risk of my sanity, I decided I would just have to take one peek.


Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...


I think I'm gonna hurl!

Kon-El said...


Jean-Luc Picard said...


Mr. Bennet said...

Of course you know this means war.

Henchman432 said...

Playing dirty is always a good thing.

Nepharia said...

Wow, that was cold. *ROFLMAO*

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