Saturday, June 14, 2008

Captain a Starship (Erifia)

Captain a spaceship… Not too bad. I’ve got my own little Langorian Hyper Cruiser, and I captain it all the time… But not just a Spaceship… A starship…

As I walked on board the men saluted me. Many of them were wearing Red-shirts… What was there about red shirts… Something… I forget.

When I walked into the bridge, everyone there saluted me. I raised my eyebrow, there was a guy with very peculiar ridges on his forhead… There was a man there too, he was sitting in the first mate’s place…

“Okay…” I said, “My first order of business… You… With the Potato chip head… You’re fired…”

Worf has Ridges

“You, down there near my seat, you are the weakest link… Goodbye.”


“Anyone else want to sit next to me or is a hideous potato chip alien?”

There was a volley of No’s. A man walked up beside me, “Captain, everything is under order, are you ready to set course to the Neutral Zone?”

I turned around and saw this peculiar contraption on his face… “Whoa… How do you read with those things?” I asked him… “Oooo! Are your eyes like I-Gors? I would hide them too…” I shivered, “That would give me the creaps.”

Reading Leforge
I shall call you Igor.

“Okay… My second order of business, I’m hiring two people to replace the two I just fired…”

He looks good that way.
Search for the Bubblebubkin… Hmph.

“Excellent, Private Igor… Send us to the Neutral Zone… I’m going to go take a bath… And I swear to the force, I will fire anyone who interrupts it… We clear?”

“Yes mam!”


When I finished my three hour long bath/nap combo, I returned to bridge everything was in order… I felt refreshed and ready to go, I sat down in my seat next to Becca…

“How is everything?”

“I don’t know.”

“Are we in the neutral zone?”

“I don’t know.”

“Excellent, continue the good work Commander Magnificent…”

“How is everything back there Psych?”


“Are you ready to rescue that ship?”




There was a monkey… Not just any monkey, a monkey boy… “Miss Apoc,” said Igor, “I’d like you to meet Deanna Troi, our Psychologist…” I stared at him… Something wasn’t right here, “Igor,” I said, “She’s a monkey.”

“Yessum, she is an amazing psychologist.”

“But she’s a monkey…”

“It’s really no different then your monkey…” I looked to the Wookie Psych who was getting mad. I laughed, “Yeah, okay, I’ll buy that. But what is she doing pulling my lekkus…”

My Lekkus are a very sensitive area of my body, for those who don’t know the twi’leks anatomy. I tried to get her off, but I was having a hard time.

“Get the monkey off of me!” I yelled. The person who came to my aid was The Wookie Psych who grabbed Deanna Troi and opened the doors and tossed her out. He locked them and then he started roaring up a storm.

“I hate monkey boys… Jon has been here…” I smelled the air… “I can smell him.”


The Kobayashi Maru was a tiny freighter and we came up on it, “Excellent, let’s save this thing… Everyone, prepare to suck it in… Igor! Divert power from the engines to the other functions of the ship.”

“Yes captain.”

“Wookie Psych, take a five, you’ve done a great job.”


“Good, Rebecca, I’m so done with this mission, it’s been more then three hours and I tire of it. Hit the tractor beam and pull them in.”

“Okay!” She said running up behind, on the screen a little red targeting device pulled up, and focused on the ship. “Pull them in Commander Magnificent.”

She hit the button and this happened…

Ouch. That’s not a tractor beam.

I let out a loud sigh… “Commander Magnificent… You’re fired.”

I laid back… “I’m done with this.”

Frusterated Hugs, and Starship Kisses,
Erifia Apoc


Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

WHat do you mean you smell me? Was it that double bean burrito and the 3 or 4 (or 5) Old Styles I had?

Nepharia said...

No, it was the broccoli cole slaw you ate for dessert.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Worf & Riker don't like being fired.

Ciera said...

broccoli coleslaw does that

Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Nice take on the challenge

Professor Xavier said...

Very bold indeed taking a 3 hour shower/nap break during a dangerous mission.

Erifia Apoc said...

Jon - Its more like... Your colonge...

Captain - I know, you should have seen there face!

Cmdr. Oneida - Thanks!

Prof - What can I say, I'm a high-luxery type of girl...