Ch. 4: West Vs. the Kobayashi Maru

Jon offered me a spaceship and crew to complete the challenge; but I declined. I wanted to experience space like a true alien, so I climbed into a space suit and flew out into the black alone, unnoticed, until I reached the Kobayashi Maru.


The vast nothingness of space stirred my alien soul as I floated to the Maru's docking bay and climbed aboard. I would remember this day for the rest of my life, saving a proud and beautiful ship from disaster.

I removed the bulky suit and patrolled the halls. "Hello," I called, "this is West Rosen of Last Gladiator Standing III. I am here to help!"

"Hello, West," squeaked a barely pubescent yet sinister voice, "we've been expecting you."

I turned around, and my blood ran cold. "Who are you?"

"I am Captain Wesley Crusher, and I know who you are, West Rosen. Unappreciated. Unloved. I can make you a part of my crew, give you a place where you truly belong." He stepped closer. "We know that you are one of us."

At this moment I knew: I was not meant to save the Kobayashi Maru, but destroy it.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" I yelled as I punched Crusher's face. He stumbled backward, then sought refuge behind the captain's chair.

"Ensign Scrappy," he ordered, "get him!"

I felt a sharp pain in my knee and saw that a sentient dog-creature was trying to knaw my kneecaps off. "Lemme at 'im! Lemme at 'im!" Ensign Scrappy cried.

I kicked the dog in the stomach and looked up; Wesley was long gone. Ensign Scrappy lunged forward. I grabbed a cable from the deck computer and tore it, then stabbed the end of the cable into Ensign Scrappy's eye socket, watching his body convulse from electric shocks until it stopped moving.

I stepped into a corridor, stalking my prey. I heard a panicked whisper, then stopped.

"Captain? Captain! This is Ensign Oliver. Rosen has defeated Ensign Scrappy and is continuing through the Maru. With all due respect, sir, I think it was a bad idea to steal the Maru's registration just to lure Rosen here."

Ensign Oliver stepped into the corridor and turned, mouth agape at the sight of me. I stared at him and sighed. My quarrel was with Crusher, not this child barely old enough to sit in the coin-operated spaceship ride in front of the grocery store. No matter what, though, he would not let me pass. After remaining at this impasse for a minute, though, I realized how much his head was shaped like a Goomba and, remembering those happy moments with the Koopas on the mountain in the first challenge, I stomped on his head and continued.

I passed another door, the room behind it humming from the computations of complex machines. I frowned; something was wrong.

In my moment of hesitation, I was hit with a Taser bolt and fell. A dorky brat with a bad haircut stood above me and gloated. "My calculations indicated that you would pass here!"

"Who are you?" I groaned.

"I am Adric of Alzarius, and I have defeated you using my superior brainpower. Remember that, human, and study hard at maths so that next time I don't accidently kill you."

I regained my footing and wiped blood from my lower lip. "I'm not even going to bother with you," I said with disgust. I turned and walked away, but Adric leapt onto my back and attacked me, I was about to pass out, but then a phaser's stun bolt hit him and I was able to breathe again.

"Damn," said Wesley, "I meant to hit you." He raised the gun again. "Since you won't come with us peacefully, I have decided to take you captive."

"But why? Why do you need me on your crew?"

"Because we are the ridiculed, the cast-off, but we have power. Together, we can show the universe that we are a force to be reckoned with!"

"I can't, Wesley. I'm just not that much of a dork."

"Then you are in denial," he said, then pulled the trigger. It missed, and I lunged at him, prying the phaser out of his hands. Setting the phaser to kill, I fired upon poor Wesley Crusher.

Slinking back to the docking bay, I put my spacesuit back on, and returned to Hacknor, confident that I, at least, had rid the world of some evil.