Friday, June 6, 2008

Challenge 3: Rabid Mutant Desert Cat Lady

"Hehe, who needs a trap, when you can chop open skulls," I giggled as I opened the file Koma handed to me, ready to find out what species of mouse I was assigned.

I read the file. Skullus Impenetrus Mousus. This variant mouse has a skull that cannot be penetrated, even by cross-dressing telekinetic serial killers.

"Hey, wait a minute! I'm a cross-dressing telekinetic serial killer! And penetrate, I think that has to do with skull chopping! Oh no!" I thought for a moment, and then stated, "Anyone wanna trade mousies with me?"

"No," they all proclaimed in unison.

"But...I can't kill these mousies! And I'm not smart enough to figure out how to design a mouse trap! Or AM I?" I rubbed my chin in thought.

Thirty murdered guards, one stolen spaceship, and one kidnapped Australian later, I found myself back on Earth, in the Sahara Desert.

"Water, I like, totally need water!" I cried, struggling to walk against the heat.

The Australian handed me a canteen of water. "What did you bring me here for, mate?" he asked.

"Why do you think? We're in the world's biggest kitty litter box, and you're the world's greatest kitty hunter!"

"Blimey! But I hunt crocodiles!"

"Oh well! There's lions in Australia, so you should be able to handle it! Now, find me a kitty, or I'll totally like take you into bed with me!"

And with that, Crocodile Dundee quickly set off, searching for a cat trail. It wasn't long before he found it. Something was buried in the sand; he leaned down, picked up the clump, and sniffed it. It was what we was looking for: kitty poopies.

There was a trail, and we followed it for miles. Eventually, though, I came up to who I was looking for. A figure, crouched over, straining to continue the trail I was following.

"Too much Taco Bell?" I asked the pooing figure.

She snapped her neck towards me, hissed, and leaned back, ready to pounce! It was my old foe, the Cat Lady!

She sprung towards me, attacking! I caught her with my telekinetic super mind trick, and pet her with my sexy mind. "Like, calm down, Cat Lady!"

But she wouldn't. She was like, totally rabid! Hmmm, rabies, I thought, that seems like a cool power to have! I lifted my finger, ready to chop open her skull, and then I noticed the foam dripping down from her mouth. Ewww, that's totally like, unsexy. Plus, I think rabies kills you, and dying might not be so fun either, I guess.

So, instead of murdering Cat Lady and taking her power of rabid feline mouse-lust insanity, I leashed her up, ready to take her back with me, and set off in search of a way to get back to Hacknor. I turned to my friend, Dundee, who had helped me find my trap. First, I had an Australian to cook on the barbie.

One yummy Australian brain, 30 rabies shots, three NASA missions, and one successful attempt at breaking the speed of light later, we were at the Old Gladiator Home.

As we stood outside the Home, Cat Lady pulled at her leash, trying to get inside, and every now and again, turning and trying to eat me, hehe, that silly lady.

"Ok, Cat Lady, go!" I let go off the leash! She pounced on me and tried to tear off my face! Using my super mind trick, I punted her towards the house! Kinda like this, only with my mind instead of a foot!

She crashed into the house through the roof, and I heard her quickly set to crunching on Sylar-proof mice skulls. It sounded like someone was eating Pringles! Hmmm, I wish they had brain-flavored Pringles.

But then, I heard a deathly meow! I quickly ran inside, and found the dead Cat Lady, dead.

"WHHHHHHHHHY?!?! WHHHHHHHHHY ME?!" I wailed like Nancy Kerrigan, crying, and shaking my fist angrily at the sky. But then I looked around, and saw that all the mousies of my assigned variant were dead, AND my one-time nemesis Cat Lady was now out of the picture, AND I only got a little bit of her rabies, since I am eating her rabid brains as I type! Now that's a pretty good day for a Sylar! Only topped by a threesome with a rabid Mohindy and Peter! Hmmm...

Maybe I can make that happen...

34 comments:

Mr. Bennet said...

Hmm....so helmets work as Sylar-proofing?

Nepharia said...

How do you only get a "little bit" of rabies?

Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

I think I'm gonna get myself some clone armor to wear around you

Henchman432 said...

Traps....You people were going to make traps.....

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