Friday, May 30, 2008

Kon: Challenge 2

Man I had a great night last night, okay first someone is ratting me out around here, to Cassie. She came here and yelled at me about the whole Vella Hot tub thingy. And Vella was here giving some lunch to HS, and the two argued, then wrestled it was totally awesome.

I found some kind of drink In Private Hudson's room and we all shared it, and well Man I could feel the colors. Any way I woke up with two hotties in bed with me and the memory that saiyan chicks are wild.

I untangled myself from the hotties, and went into the room for the next challenge, and everyone was saying I groped HS what? I mean okay he was in a holographic disguise thing, but with all my senses I could see through that.

I'll solve this mystery later. I was pretty angsty when I heard I went to the team meeting. And I got baby sitting Xavier duty. It's so obvious the dude is trying to get some hot Jedi action. Actually I don’t blame him.

So pretty much while he pretended he had a headache I fought all the bad guys not a problem, I have all these powers but my favorite shirt and jacket was hearsed, man!

So he sends me out to the engine room to push buttons while drooling, there a bunch of losers come out with some kind of weird ray guns. I was thinkin' maybe I could super hypnotize them since I've always wondered if you know that's why women like me so much. Could I be super hypnotizing them?

Well I tried it " You guys are gettin' sleepy very sleepy!"

They shot me with some with the ray guns and they stung nope I ain't got super hypnotism. “Ha! The Overlord was right the Kryptonian is weak to Red Sun blasts!"

More, and more they zapped I grabbed the floor, and used my TTK making the floor come up and rap them like a double beef burrito. I was dizzy and stumbled my way to the engine room. There guarding the entrance was bargain basement Cybermen.

Man! Gas prices must be bad if evil overlords are buying henchmen from thrift stores. You know how a normal Cyberman says "Delete! Delete!" Well these guys say things like “Beets beets! FEET FEET! And the weirdest one raw meat! Raw meat!"

I bulled my way through the badly built 1960's cyborgs, with like 50 percent of my powers left. Then I look into the engine room, and this was waiting for me.

"Me am not Bizarro Superboy! Me be your best friend! Me not kill you, then me no spank butt of cold red chick!"

Ugh Bizarro talk! I hate Bizzaro talk! This makes my headache like ten times worse. Wait red chick? HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HS was Bizarro groped! Jeeze bud! Nice chalky new boyfriend ya got there.

I charge HS' man and find out pretty quickly he's at full power as he choke slams me into the engine console. Damn! If the room could stop spinning I could take this pale imitation of my charming self.

I tried using my heat vision but ended up blasting through the roof, and hearing a mechanical voice yell " No my soufflé it fell flat!"

"Sorry Gyrobo!" Okay it's time to do what all the best superheroes do when they're out matched distract the bad guy with...

Tasty Hostess fruit pies!

"Yes! It is not my weakness! Bad tasty fruit filling in a soft baked crust!" The Bizarro rambles.

I throw it at the engine and he chases it like Superman's dog chases sticks completely destroying the engine, and stopping the ship he crashes through the hull. And is still chasing the thing not that it matters he's no longer an obstacle and the yellow sunlight shining into the big hole made me feel like a million bucks. Meanwhile the force fields closed up the hole keeping evreything from bein' sucked out, because the air was bein sucked like well Green Arrow's pick up lines suck.

As I wonder how I'm gonna tell HS that his new special friend is lost in space chasing a blueberry pie Xavier rolls up. “We did good work my boy!"

“We? I did all the superhero stuff while you sat and watched the Jedi girls fight it out!"

“Ah yes! But you see I'm a great planner and that's whet planners do you my boy are a blunt object that destroys everything in its path."

"Now I'm feeling so good about our great victory that I'll help you out with the ladies!"

I roll my eyes, this should be good.


Nepharia said...

Nice job, Kon. See everyone back in the hot tub.

Hotstuff said...

he isnt my man!

Professor Xavier said...

Poor Hotsuff, that's got to be a nasty morning after wakeup call. I hope Bizarro Boy doesn't come back looking for a second date.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Those cybermen must have come from a thrift store.

Mr. Bennet said...

Mmmm....fruit pies.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Oh yeah, I'd make a terrible space pirate. One look at those delicious fruit pies and I'd instantly surrender.

Ciera said...

so you're saying that you groped HS even though you could see through his holosuit??????

Kon-El said...

Wasn't me it was his Bizarro man lover. why yyou guys thought that was me I don't know.

Gyrobo said...

Fact: the use of fruit pies as a distraction dates back to the Titanic; a platter of Margarine-scented fruit pies was discovered in the navigator's private refrigerator.

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