Friday, May 16, 2008

Kon-El : So that's why it's called Elferkill

I was relaxin' in the hot tub when HS' family popped up, his aunt the one that's like close to my age wanted to see the Hot tub of course I obliged.
She was babbling on and on about cartoons and stuff then she started talking about her boyfriend when I interrupt. " Ya know you're young and hot ya really don't need to tie yourself down to one guy for the rest of your life."

After a little bit of small talk... we looked into each other's eyes and are about to kiss when HS pops up from like no where and tells me about the next challenge.

Jerk.

" Dude she's family come on! And she has a boyfriend a very angry one." Hs

" Batman's former sidekick ? Not worried." I laugh.

" Well how about my grandfather?"

" Okay I can do without an insane alien king close to Superman's strength."

" He's not insane!" HS Shouts.

I go and get the first challenge climb a mountain, cool. I can do that. Problem is I'm saddled with a whiney camera man. He was fine when we started. But when I started leaping to get up the mountain he cries." Not everyone can leap tall buildings in a single bound! Can’t you carry me?"

" Not on your life dude, here I throw a rope at him then complains every time jump from one precipice to another that he gets smacked across the mountain. Loser. Then when the lava started flowing he grouches about how it's hot.

So I use my arctic breathe to cool it down and now it’s too cold. Come on! Man I wish I didn't have super hearing. Finally about half way up we come to this hose where there's of all things elves singing and dancin'.

"Yo guys can ya tell me where the bobsled team is?" I shout and they turn on me baring fangs.

" Fresh meeeeat!" the start scurrying at us trying to bite I knock a few of them away and use my heat vision, to keep he rest away. But of course my camera man gets swarmed and shrieks "Help me! Help me!"

I roll my eyes, pick him up and shake the elves off. This is getting old so I take a bite of double garlic pizza and use my super breathe the stench is enough to knock 'em all out. Well except one who calls his boss and that turns out to be Evil Santa?




Yeah this weird since you know on our world Santa is in the North Pole , and ain't real. Anyway we had a knock down drag out fight, and that avalanche we caused totally wasn't on purpose even if it did go to all the gladiators on the opposing team that was just a coincidence ya gotta believe me.

At some point I was smacked under a bunch of weird leaves along with the camera man. Evil Santa looks transfixed. " Magic missile toe I must kiss you both."

" AW Hell no!" I run towards where I think the bridge is I was sort of right except there were two impassable walls between me and it well impassible if you're not invulnerable. I smashed right through them, and to the bridge.

Evil Santa was on my heels when this giant freaking rabbit pops up. " Ah my eternal enemy Evil Santa prepare to die at the hands of the Evil Easter Bunny!"

Evil Easter Bunny ? What the freak is wrong with this planet?



While those two fought it out my camera man pops up spitting " What's wrong with you?" I query.

" Let's just say not all of us are faster than a speeding bullet." He spits again.

The two twisted versions of holiday mascots break the bridge I grab whiney, and jump onto the bridge we swing across the chasm I then scramble up the bridge. Finally I find the bob sledders.

And they try to show me how good they are they wreck into a tree and the bobsled blows up. I don't know how it blew up, just that it did. So that option was out.

I yank a tree out of the ground and use my patent pending Tactile Telekinesis, great at parties and for taking off pesky female undergarments, to hollow out the tree And I jump in my new awesome tree sled, The camera man jumps into the back seat and away y we go, but it was well boring.

" We totally ain't going fast enough. " I yell before using my TTK to speed us up.

The camera man gripes "but we're going a hundred miles per hour AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

" I know that's slow now here's some real speed!"

So it starts burning up and I'm having the time of my life finally we slam through the finish line. The tree shatters I mean the parts that didn't burn up. I had a great time, the camera man well...




On the bright side he got some digits...okay it was Evil Santa's phone number but still at least someone likes him.

29 comments:

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Poor cameraman.

And I don't know what the deal is with that Evil Samta and Bunny. Maybe they came through the Stargate or something.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Let's hope Evil Sata isn't around this Christmas or some children are going to get nasty surprises.

Hotstuff said...

leave it to you to hit on my younger Aunt

Kon-El said...

I could hit on your older aunt too, no reason to leave her out.

Professor Xavier said...

You have to think of cameramen as cannon fodder. They are highly expendable. If you don't go through at least 4 this season, then you aren't doing a very good job.

Henchman432 said...

You almost lost me there, not bad.

Paula Abdrool said...

You like redefine love and happiness!!!

Becca the Magnificant said...

Wow... You are cute. No wonder Erifia picked you.

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