Friday, May 30, 2008

The Cavalry's Here!

"Are you going to say anything, Sylar?" Mr. Glasses, AKA Bennet asked.

"Hmph," I responded, cold shouldering him. "I'm not going to talk! You're totally my ex! We used to have some hot action between the two of us but then...Hey, wait a minute. I'm talking! I'm supposed to be not talking to you!" I shut my sexy mouth once again.

"But you tried to kill me!"

"You started it!" I snapped back.

"Listen," Mr Glasses began, "we don't have time for this! We're here, and the shields are down! Now do you want to tell me your secret weapon and why we're wearing these stupid uniforms so we can start killing people?"

"Ok!" I shrieked, turning towards Mr. Glasses, clapping and giggling like a madwoman! We got off of our transport ship, into the dock part of the ship we were to take down, and I opened the door to the cargo bay. Out stepped two little horsies! I used my super-mind trick to hoist Mr. Glasses onto one, and saluted him.

"Sylarkins, reporting for duty, sir!" I shouted. "We're the cavalry, so we need to act like them! Here's your rifle, and your pointy-stick thingie," I said, handing Mr. Glasses a rifle and a pointy-stick thingie.

"You mean a saber?"

I looked at Mr. Glasses for a moment before bursting out in laughter. "No, silly, that's not a tiger!"

He shook his head. "We can't go charging in there with rifles and pointy-stick thingies when we'll surely be facing armies of storm troopers and rebels!"

"Ewwww, my horsie just farted," I exclaimed, covering my nose. "It's stinky! But I digress! We'll be fine, these horsies have jet packs! CHARRRRGE!"

I spanked my horsie, and it ran towards our destination. Mr. Glasses reluctantly followed! As expected, we ran into a wave of storm troopers! They shot blaster thingies at me, which I shielded Mr. Glasses from! Because everyone knows, I can get shot and not die for some reason! It must be like, one of my powers or something! I can't remember them all!

Anyways, Mr. Glasses and I shot and sliced them down easily! The henchmen out of the way (hopefully not the honorable Henchman 432), we were free to procede to the engine room, and so we did. "Hey, we're in the engine room!" I observed.

But the voice that responded from within was one most fearful. "You can't take my cousin away from me! I love her! She's the mother of my daughter/second cousin!"

"Confederates!" Mr. Glasses shrieked in fear. Within the room, we saw dozens of bearded, drunken, inbred warriors with rifles. The kryptonite of the cavalry! I thought for a moment, using all the power that my 3 brain cell could like, conjure!

"It's ok, Mr. Glasses, I have a plan!" I reached into a satchel he was carrying, and pulled his laptop from it! I opened up his blog page, and threw it to them!

"My virtual diary, NOOoooOOocoOOOoOOOooOOO!" Mr. Glasses wailed.

But my plan was working! The Confederates were trying to read it! "What does this word mean?" one asked another. "T-H-E? I reckon it means 'to he,' another interjected." Damn! He was good! He actually read it correctly! But it was still distracting them.

During the illiterate confusion, Mr. Glasses and I slaughtered them! Swinging our rifles, shooting our pointy-stick thingies! The rebels didn't even fight back as they struggled to read! And soon, they were all dead. We were triumphant!

After the last one was killed, Mr. Glasses went to pick up his laptop. We both heard a cocking (hehe, cocking) of a rifle! We turned in the direction of the sound, and found the cousin-loving soldier, with his cousin at his side, who was licking at his ear lustfully as he aimed his rifle at Mr. Glasses.

Mr. Glasses raised his rifle and fired! *Click* OMG, no bullets! He looked helplessly at me. "Sylar, help!"

I raised my rifle, and fired! *Click* No bullets, either! Now, I didn't know what to do! We were the cavalry, and cavalries didn't use telekinetic super mind tricks! So, it was against the rules to use mine! But I...Mr. Glasses was my BFF at one time, and near-lover at another! I couldn't just let him die!

But I came up with an idea! I threw my pointy-stick thingie into the air! With my super mind trick, I threw it across the room! A hit!

The ear-licking cousin fell to the ground, dead, with a pointy-stick thingie protruding from her tummy. Oh well! Close enough.

The soldier dropped his rifle, and fell to his knees next to her. "Bobby-Sue, NOOooOOocoOOoOO!" He wailed at her side, and stuck his tongue in her ear canal as he cried. I giggled at my success!

Mr. Glasses walked up to me. "Sylar. You saved my life. You must really love..."

"Awww, Mr. Glasses, if anyone's going to kill you, it's going to be me!"

He nodded in approval, and stepped over to a computer which ran the engines, typing away hotly. "There! A computer virus! That should stop the engines!"

With Mr. Glasses' tomfoolery, the engines screeched to a hault! "Oh Mr. Glasses, we did it! I feel like I could kiss you!" I leaned in close to him, closing my eyes and puckering my lips.

"Hold that thought. We still have to get to the bridge!"

My eyes bulged and I think I wet myself. "The BRIDGE?!"

To be continued in Mr. Bennet's post....


Nepharia said...

Geez, is *everyone* on your team seriously disturbed?

Mr. Bennet said...

FYI: You did wet yourself. You owe me new shoes.

Sylar said...

To Nepharia, I have three words to answer your question: Yes.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

What a weird collection of posts!

Anonymous said...


btw Neph I am not disturbed

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Wow, this whole thing'4 4:*'-,/ +_( (+ !2 '-,5 +6 "-'2 (((:2 !!"_

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

What the frack was that?

Ok, as I was saying, this is like a Zane Grey novel but with less homosexual overtones.

Anonymous said...

I think you are turning into Gyro with that first comment Jon

Ciera said...


Neph - I'm only slightly disturbed and that comes from working doubles with not enough sleep this week. Any other time I'm only minutely disturbed.