Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Boxes Boots and Balls

At the Malfian team meeting we worked out our secret handshake and the Malfian theme song.

It goes - Donny Most must die. Die die die. Its a nice little ditty put together by Bennet.

Also that Sylar guy prepared a lovely curry. I asked him what it was he called it Jamaican Gumbo. Bennet our leader started talking 'bout paper and killing the other contestants. Yeah right! As if he's a leader. Bennets so crazy he could puzzle a possum. So's I take charge and set stuff up.

I put myself in the sneaky advance party. Young Westy puts his hand up and volunteers for it. Thats something you gotta respect, unfortunately if he didn't come on the advance party the whole incident wouldn't have happened.
Ya see Westy's a few Kangaroos short of the top paddock, if you know what I mean.

Oh! you don't know what I mean.

He's got some kind of psychosis that makes him think everyone's a robot. Well not everyone just people who he doesn't like. It comes together in this huge conspiracy that he's made up. Apart from that he's your regular teen.

I asked young Westy if he had any experience in being a sneaky bastard and he was a bit surprised. It wasn't the sneaky it was my casual bloody swearing.
"Captain if I swore like that the robots would wash my mouth out." he told me.

Nothing wrong with the words that I use. Its natural for an Ozzie to swear a bit. C'mon didn't you see the tourism add with the hot chick askin' "Where the Bloody Hell are ya?"

He seemed a bit happy bout finding that out.
He told me "When I get the back from this bloody reality game show I'm gonna move to your bloody country."

Course you can kid. We only stop refugees and Muslims, cause your President told us to.
So while we waited for Ciera and Hot Stuff to get their distraction underway I taught Westy a few sneaky bastard tricks.
"You kick guys in the groin? Thats low." exclaimed Westy.
Nah mate! Their called Balls or Nuts. Callin' it the groin, Ha! thats PC sh!t. This kids got a lot to learn bout bein' a hero and adventuring.
"But what if someone kicks me there?" he asked.
Good question Westy. You wear one of these.
"A Cup?" he protested.
Mate! thats not a cup its a BOX. Ya put a drink in a cup not your balls.
He went all red. What is it with kids these days. I gave him his box and told him to wear it.
"Is it new?" he asked.
No its the one I used when I assaulted the castle of Lesbian Vampires.
"Really?" he replied
Yeah right as if!

Finally Ciera teleported us over.

Ciera was able to hack a map of the ship.
She was a good hacker well trained typical Star Fleet hack, by the book. Thing is if you want to be a sneaky bastard you don't do it by the book do you. Cause the bad guys have already read the book and got sneaky too. So halfway through we got company.
"Halt! don't move." shouted a guard.
Ok kid just follow my lead. I whispered to Westy.
"Put your weapons down and turn around slowly." the guard ordered.
I put my blaster down and turned around Westy followed suit. He took one look at the two guards and he started sweating.
"Robots..." he mumbled under his breath.
The guard came over and came to pat us down. He went to me first. It was no robot, just your run of the mill trooper. When he finished checking for weapons he took his eyes off me and started moving to Westy.
I took my chance and kicked him in the nuts. He went down like sack of spuds, steel capped boots'll do that. I picked up my blaster and fired at the other trooper I winged him.
Time run kid. I told West. But he'd lost it. He ran at the wounded trooper.
"Robot I'm gonna kill you." he screamed.
The trooper took one look at him and fired. Westy fell on the trooper he was shot but not fatally. The mission was the important thing otherwise Hacknor would be obliterated.
I had to finish the mission then save Westy.


Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

You're teaching crotch shots? Are you the good Captain Koma or the bad Captain Koma?

Ciera said...

that looks ... painful

Nepharia said...

Are you saying that (boxes + boots) = balls? I'm not sure if that is a complete picture.

Perhaps something like:


Variable Declarations


While (Koma + West = conscious){
(OurBoxes + OurBoots) = TheirBalls


Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

I was under the impression there was some unwritten man law that prohibted crotch shots, but maybe it doesn't apply to Aussies

Mr. Bennet said...

Ow, that smarts!

captain koma said...

Look sometimes the only way to win is taking the low road. I was teaching Westy how to be a sneaky bastard. Sneaky bastards do stuff like that. You gotta expect it and be willing to give it now and again.

The mission comes first.

Then the brotherhood.