Thursday, May 29, 2008

Ch2: Mutants on the Executive

I like Xavier. I especially like his haircut. With his advanced telepathic abilities, he was able to create a high-quality blueprint of the Executive so we at least had a roadmap of the territory we were going into.

However, for a telepath, he’s not the most observant person I’ve met. I mean, let’s take Erefia: she hates me. I can understand why: she is a Jedi and I am a Sith – it’s just the way of things. I once tried to turn her to the dark side, and would have succeeded were it not for the fact that she wanted to return to the Jedi order, confused as she was at the time.

But all that aside, we definitely have some history. During our team briefing, when the plans were discussed and explained, Erifia glared at me the whole time. And being the Sith that I am, I returned the favor in kind.

At the end of the briefing, however, Xavier decided that the teams were going to be divided by gender: girls, boys, and genocidal robots. Girls have the bridge, boys have the engine room, and the robots….well, Gyrobo could do whatever the hell he wanted.

Erifia looked about as happy about the arrangement as I did: she wasn’t. But in the name of the gladiatorial competition, we bit our tongues and moved forward.

Erifia said she didn’t have enough fuel in her ship to take it and said we had to take mine – and she didn’t even offer to pay for some of the gas. Just like Jedi: they are all just so cheap – the Temple doesn’t pay squat.

However, as we approached the Executive, it was almost as if they were expecting us: one of the landing bays was left open and unprotected. It was way too easy.

It wasn’t until we left the docking area did we find out the ship was under an advanced alert. Someone had told them we were coming and I was sure it was those Malfians.

We finally encountered a large group of soldiers on our way to the bridge. Our main defense was to deflect their blaster fire back at them with a more direct approach for those that got within saber range.

In our spare moments, we took pot shots at one another: it was a lot of fun. I think Erifia took it a little too seriously because she force shoved a group of soldiers in my direction after I sucker punched her in the middle of what she referred to as a “graceful maneuver.” Those Jedi: it’s always form over function with them.

Getting to the bridge was actually a great deal of fun – a lot of work, but I felt a sense of accomplishment when we got there.

The person at the helm was an interesting looking specimen: I’d seen characters like him at pod races in the Hutt box seats. After discovering neither of us had green eyes, he became incensed and summoned these warriors that reminded me a lot of Jedi, except they didn’t have light sabers, just some metal swords that were of no use. They were dispatched with a little force lighting, knocking them all back.

”You could learn to do that also if you would return to the dark side,” I told Erifia, then smiled wide. “Our benefits are even better now: we have cookies.”

A few of the warriors started waking up again and Erifia took up a defensive pose, “No, I’m good – literally – and I’m going to stay here.” She did a roundhouse kick on the first warrior that approached her, knocking him cold. A second was behind Erifia and I threw my saber at him: Erifia ducked just in time for me to take him out. It’s a shame she declined my offer, I think we work well together.

The strange-looking man at the helm appeared to have his own Force powers, as I saw a burst of light come from his mouth aimed at Erifia. She nimbly jumped out of the way and up to a light protruding from the ceiling. When the man fired light at her again, she dropped, landing on him and then began beating the living daylights out of him until he lay battered and unconscious. It’s a crying shame, indeed, she declined becoming my apprentice.

I heaved a sigh and moved to the empty helm console. “You know,” I began as I used the console to maneuver the ship into position, “If we took out the Invisible Gland, we could make this gladiatorial competition a lot easier.”

She stood up once again and put her hands on her hips. “You know, Nepharia, that’s the first thing you’ve said all night that I actually agree with.” We both smiled.

Moving to the weapons console, I heard something. Nepharia….

I stopped a moment and looked at Erifia. She looked at me and asked “What are you waiting for?”

Nepharia, I sense you are planning on doing something foolish. It was Xavier.

Well aren’t you just the sensitive little telepath, I thought back. I thought about eliminating the competition, if you must know.

While I admit that getting rid of the Malfians would rid the blogging universe of a certain amount of insanity, it may disqualify you as a gladiator, he thought.

Do you honestly think that a little thing like being disqualified as a gladiator would stop me from wonton killing? I asked.

Well….no, but I thought I’d give it a try….he responded. How about we discuss this later after we get back to the gladiators’ dorm?

How about we go back to the gladiators’ dorm and play Master and Apprentice
? I suggested.

Long pause.

I’m game, so long as you don’t destroy the other ship
, he finally thought.

Nice try
, I thought before reaching out and pressing the launch button on the weapons console. Except nothing happened. I ran to the communications console and hailed the weapons section, but it came up on caller ID as “Galley”.

“This is Nepharia, Erefia and I are on the bridge – we need weapons control now!”

“Why?” I heard a strangely familiar voice answer

”Because we’re coming under attack,” I answered. “Who is this?”

”It’s Gyrobo,” he answered indignantly. “I didn’t hear any attacks,” he said.

”Dammit, Gyrobo, give me weapons control now!” I yelled into the comm, grabbing the sides of the terminal.

”I can’t,” he answered calmly; “I took them offline.”

”You what!?” I screamed, squeezing the terminal so hard a piece of it broke off in my hand. “Why on earth would you do that?” I asked, tossing the broken piece to the deck.

”Why, I’m baking a soufflé and I didn’t want it to fall,” he answered as if it made perfect sense.

I don’t remember destroying the communications panel, just the smell of freshly burnt electronics.

Xavier, I hope you enjoy playing an apprentice, I thought as I left the bridge


captain koma said...

Yeah thats all good. But my map has a disco a sauna and a strip club.

Beat that.

Hotstuff said...

destroy the competition?

oooh you truly are evil

Mr. Bennet said...

Don't shoot us! Think of the soufflé.

Professor Xavier said...

Master and Apprentice? I'm glad I brought my riding crop.

Kon-El said...

Cookies can be used for evil? I'm so disillusioned.

Gyrobo said...

You'll all be happy to know the soufflé is a boy.