Ch. 2: West vs. the Galactic Overlords minions

I had that bloody robot right where I wanted him, and then he went and shot me!

(‘Bloody’ in this case is meant as an expletive. Everyone knows robots can’t really bleed. They have no hearts, those heartless creatures! Anyway, ‘bloody’ is an expression I picked up from my new friend, Captain Koma. He’s the world’s greatest defender of Australia. I think he’s totally an alien. I mean, Oz is almost like another planet, right?)

So anyway, I woke up in this weird dimension of sight and sound…and the only word I could think to describe it is ‘fabulous.’

“There’s a gay bar on this ship?” I asked, my voice hoarse after being attacked by the robot troopers. “I mean, were Koma and I even reading the right map?”

“They come standard on all Galactic Overlord ships,” a trooper replied gruffly. “But we’re the one asking the questions here, and the question is—can you keep up with us on the dance floor? Mwahahahaha!”

My captors pushed me into this disco supernova, and with the muzzles of their laser guns digging into my back they forced me to dance to Placebo, TRex and Roxy Music. A never-ending beat tore at my eardrums, and colored lights hypnotized me until I was in their thrall.

“What is the weakness of the Intergalactic Gladiators?” A robot trooper hissed into my ear as he ground against my hip. “Tell us or we’ll force-feed you Bacardi Mojitos!”

“Noooooooooooooooooo!” I wailed, but the dulcet tunes of Kelly Clarkson drowned out my despair.

“The prisoner is resisting our interrogation!” the lead robot yelled, then poured the Mojito down my throat.

“We know your accomplice deactivated our shields, and that your other two accomplices are sexy and feisty. We suspect there are more following. We also know that none of this matters, for we shall conquer Hacknor. Now tell us everything you know!”

“Okay, okay!” I cried out. “My name is West Rosen. I am an alien god from St. Louis. I can fly circles around you pathetic robots! And…” my resolve was weakening. “And…” I heard laser fire and shouts over the music. “And all you bastards are going to fall by Koma’s hand!”

The battle was fierce, but Koma emerged from the smoke of burning trooper robots victorious and unscathed. (Or maybe the smoke was from the smoke machine? It was hard to tell, the Bacardi was making me tipsy.)

I ran up to Koma and gave him a big hug.

“Bloody kids,” he muttered and pushed me away. “C’mon mate, we need to clear out so Bennet and Sylar can finish this off.”

“Wait!” I cried as we were about to leave the Invisible Gland’s gay bar. “There’s still something that we’ve got to do!”

I grabbed a blaster from a fallen trooper and shot apart the bar’s sound system.

“What the bleedin’ hell was that about?” Koma asked.

I pointed at the sign above the DJ’s booth: In case of emergency, this sound equipment operates as an auxiliary shield generator.

“Robot technology is sinister like that.” I quipped. I handed the blaster to Koma. "I guess I owe you a life debt now, Captain."