Friday, July 4, 2008

Cooties and Sith-ladies (Padawan Erifia)

When Jon took me into the room, I got prepared for the worst. You never knew what would happen with this machine… When he said I would become a kid, I cried. Not that I had much of a choice, I was ten.

For you humans. Twi’leks begin puberty at ten. Which meant I would have to deal with that all over again. Wonderful. In case you didn’t know, that’s scarcasm. I didn’t have a a good childhood. Between stupid dumb face and having a crush on Obi-Wan: Along with the rigors of Jedi-Training and being a tri’lek…

For those not in the know, Twi’leks are called twi’leks because they have twin lekkus. I have three. It was a birth ‘defect’ as far as the other kids were concerned. As soon as we got out of the place Professor X started making fun of me, “Look at the stupid tri’lek…”

I wasn’t surprised to see Aayla Secura sitting there with her hands together, her fingers meeting in a very sinister way saying, “Yes… Yes… Good… Good… Now tell her that Indigo is scarcely a color!”

It didn’t take too long for Kon-El to say, “Yeah! Indigo! That’s a girls color…” I put my hand on my hip, only because the last remnants of my adult thought processes were starting to fade, “I am a girl stupid!” I yelled and he looked at me, then said, “Really?”

My little eyes started to water as Aayla smiled wickedly, “Gabriel…” she said, “Tell her that she’s hideous, and masculine.” Gabriel looked at Aayla confused, “Call her ugly and tell her she’s got a mustache.” Gabriel cut in with that.

“Yeah!” I yelled, “Well… At least I’m not a Fatty!” I said pointing to Bennet. Who isn’t a mister anymore, and then I yelled at West, “And a stupid head!” It was then I realized that I had chose two people who had not made fun of me, and I felt bad as I saw there eyes water like mine… I ran from the room. That was terrible…

I ran to the ship and when I went on, Becca the Magnificant and Tatooine were still playing with that wooden cup and the ball on a string. I looked at them, they looked up at me. Seeing my clothes and how loose they were it didn’t take too long for the taun-taun to figure it out, but Becca on the other-hand, “Who are you?” Tatooine using the universal translator collar from Langoria said, “It’s mommy, stupid.” Becca then looked at Tatooine and Tatooine looked at Becca and then they looked at me and broke into a loud guffaw.

I ran to my room and threw myself on the bed, and started crying. It was so much bigger then what I remembered… I opened my closet and pulled out my flight jacket. My clothes from childhood. I put them on, and I grabbed my rifle.

As a child I never went anywhere with my sniper rifle. It was- My bread and butter before I got my light sabers.


Soon I was approached by a woman who I didn’t know… She looked familiar but I couldn’t remember her. She extended her hand, “Hello Erifia,” she said with a very kind smile, “My name is Nepharia… You don’t remember me, do you?”

I shook my head no. She sat down next to me on the bench, “You’re on Fire-Island Sixteen. Do you remember that woman, who urged the kids to make fun of you?”
“Yes! That was Aayla, except she was older.”
“How about we kill her, Erifia. You and I…”
“Yes, we can go kill her… And Professor X, and Kon-El… We can even kill Jon too… How does that sound?”
“Whose Jon?”
“He’s a member of the Sith. Professor X and Kon-El are sith too… And Aayla has been converted to the dark side… But not us, Erifia… We have to stop them…”

I don’t know why, but I believed her.

“Good Erifia,” she said, “Here are your lightsabers…”
“But I don’t know how to use them…”
“You’ll know, trust me.”


As we came upon them, Kon-El and Professor X were being bought Ice-Cream by Aayla Secura. I looked at them. They looked at me… When I pulled out my gun and I shot at Aayla’s head, and she dropped her head down. She withdrew her sabers and Nepharia laughed as she sent out Sith Lightning towards Professor X and Kon-El. Wait! What?

“I’ll kill you!” shouted the woman.

Aayla blocked the lightning and she sent it towards me. I whipped around with my sabers and I held them ready… Then I dropped them, and it dropped through the floor hitting the ground. Aayla force shoved Nepharia out of the building, and Nepharia pulled her out, leaving me with the boys.

Jon walked up with another man casually and sat at the bar, “I’ll have soup and a coffee…” He said and he looked at Hudson, “I’d like five hot-dogs, with beans on them all, smothered in mustard and butter…”

Professor X forced himself into my mind and made me bust my own head on the floor while Kon flew over me aiming a bunch. I shoot it off, a little dazed.

“You’re such a pig…” Jon said, “Why are you my sidekick again?”
“Because you get bored without me…”
“Yeah- Well that’s true.”

Kon-El flew over their heads and took out a waitress. Professor X made me spin around and then slammed my head into the ground again. That little crippled kid… I would get him…

“Did you see Erifia? She’s looking hot…”
“Dude. She’s like 10 or something… I love torturing those contestants, and they pay me for it…”
“Dude it must be sweet being you.”
“Besides dealing with you it is…” Said Jon.

I thought for a second, and I pushed my conciousness into the third lekku, which gave me enough time to jump on his lap, “Hey X,” I said with a growl, “I’m a girl.” He looked at me confused and then got a scared look on his face, “I have cooties…” I said, “Big ones…” He tried to get me off of him and as Kon came flying into Professor X, and I jumped above him.

“Dude!” Professor X said, “She has cooties!” Kon who up until that point had been trying to hurt me started backing away. He flew into the wall, which brought the whole place down revealing Nepharia walking away from Aayla who was holding her blade at the ready. Professor X got his little wheelchair and made it go as fast as he could as I chased after him.

Jon and the other man were still sitting there, “Hudson, is it drafty in here?”
“Nope. You’re just a wimp!” he said punching his arm, “I wonder when my bean-dogs are going to get done.”
“Hopefully never I have to drive you back to HQ.”

I sighed… I can’t wait to grow up.


After I got my age back to normal, after a long grueling week of mood swings, cooties, and nasty names, I looked at Jon and I slapped him.

“Stop messing with my life! And treat Hudson Better, You only get one sidekick!”
“Yeah!” Hudson said, “You heard the hotty..”
I slapped him, “That’s for calling a ten year old hot.”

Adolescent Hugs and Adult Kisses,
Erifia Apoc


Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

That bar has the best soup and coffee combo on Hacknor.

Professor Xavier said...

I need to get a cootie shot.

Nepharia said...

Yeah, but you should have seen what I did to Ayala later on: short-sheeting a Jedi's bed has caused more dark thoughts that you can imagine.