I hear a female voice through my mental fog. “Conner, Conner."
“Uh, What?" It hurts to move.
“Conner get up! It's time for the challenge."
Oh yeah I'm on Hacknor it takes me a moment to place the voice, my cousin Supergirl. That's very disappointing. I thought it was a date.
"G'way!" I respond.
“No, I'm not going to 'G'way' until you get up off your "S" and get into this challenge!"
“What’s the point?" I ask. “The other three are from the same reality they’ll vote against me."
She slaps me. “You are in the final four, get up an act like you deserve it! I will not have a whiny emo for a cousin got it?"
“OW! You’re mean! No wonder you're not dating anyone."
“Get to it! They'll be some heroes around to help you, give you spiritual no wait that's not the word moral support. Are you even listening to me?"
“Yeah yeah I'll be visited by spirits." She rolls her eyes, “He’s all yours now."
A huge version of HS shows up.
He kept talking about how to defeat a golden army or something I wasn't paying attention." Okay See you later Hs, I go to the next part of the challenge. The devil guy looks over to Kara “Is there something wrong with his brain?"
Kara Sighs." Short answer? Yes."
I ignore them and go to the room where I have to pick up my robot companion." I thought I was gonna get a Wall-E?" I question.
“They’re out of those cousin." Kara smiles. "But you have a choice this sensible metal dog."
Some weird half naked dude jumps at me wearing what kind of looks like a dress. " Or you can have my completely useless Robot! The Rabbot!"
Kara looks over at me. “You can listen to your smart relative, who loves you like the little brother she never had.”
Dr. Weird interrupts. “You can spray it in the eyes with perfume because that's how it happened to me! You feel pretty don't you!"
Kara shakes her head. “Or you can take the advice of a raving lunatic."
I took the dog not because off anything Kara said, but because I don't want to lug around a giant metal rabbit that smells like a cheap hooker. It directed me to one of the islands around here.
“There is the Drunken Hero master!" The robot, K-9 announces.
I sigh, " Hancock?"
"Conner Kent!" he spits “What do you want?"
“Well Lushy I'd like to know where the magic armor is."
He laughs. “No way have you Superman ripped off”.
You've got to be kidding me, and what exactly did he just say? “Me a Superman rip off? Yeah I'm his clone, what's your excuse?"
"What do you mean?" he challenges.
“I mean you're just Superman if he was a drunk, and a jerk!" I point out.
He drank some stuff that looked like that weird stuff from Private Hudson's room I drank that time I woke up not really knowing what happened the night before. “Okay lesh fight about it!" Hancock yells.
" Lesh?" I query.
“Shut up!" The superhero with a dirty movie sounding name charges and passes out. Blast! I won't be able to find the armor now! I notice K-9 doing something. “Are you picking his pocket?"
“I doubt you'd find anything... Maybe lice"
“Here is the map to the cave where the armor is being held Master!"
"I stand corrected. Good dog, Hey what is that glowing stuff? "
“Warp Engine fuel master." K-9 announces.
I gasp. “Me and a couple of girls drank that stuff!"
“You are not very bright are you master?" K9 quips.
I just grab him up, and fly above the misty oceans to our destination.
In front of the cave are Batman, and the Hulk." Man I thought I was being visited by spirits."
The Bat stares. “I can see you've burned out more brain cells partying I can't believe they released the Joker for a game show...Hn this is how you defeat him...”
“Hulk Bored!" The Hulk growls.
Batman puts his head in his hands “You’re supposed to help with him beating the Abomination."
“Hulk says smash Big Ears! Smash Clown Face Hulk hungry!"
“You big green idiot! This kid could be hurt!" The Bat yells before doing something really stupid for a smart guy.
So while Bats commits suicide,
I walk into the dark dank cave." Master Look Out!" K-9 warns as The Joker pops out and sprays me with this gunk " Why so serious Super Dork? Hahahahahaha argh!"
The little metal dog apparently has bite as it zaps the Clown. I smile “Good dog that wasn't so bad."
“Look at your reflection Master."
Gah! What's worse is Hahahahaha! I can't stop acting like the Joker; The Abomination thrashes out of the cave towards me. “Ready for a fight punk?"
“Fight in front of the kids?” I blurt out.
“Eh?" Emil looks wary.
“Instead of the fighting we should dance!” I grab him and start ballroom dancing.
He pushes me away. “No way this is too weird I didn't sign up for this! I'm outta here!"
“But... If you leave I'll be at mother's before you get back!" I call at him.
“Whatever weirdo!" He yells.
I run to the armor where Tony Stark has it ready. “Wait I thought it was mystic. Hehhahahaha!"
Stark glares. “Whatever Superclown, DR Strange did some goobledy gook. Just take it I have places to be, I've wasted enough time here I'm going to reap the rewards of a successful movie, hot production assistants."
“But how do I work this?"
K9 merged with the armor “I will help master, put it on." Oh yeah this looks normal.
I flew using my powers because even though the robot said he'd help I'm gettin' nothing from him but annoying robot talk. Finally I find myself in between The Telemarines, and the Golden Army. Now to get this to work "Fire Repulsors!"
A straw sticks in my mouth and pours vodka into it. “What the? Stark you drunk! I'll get you for this!" Apparently the armor thought that was the command to pour vodka, whiskey, rum, and some kind of wine down my throat.
Oh no the Joker Gas must still be in my system. Probably has Kryptonite in it. It's mixing with the alcohol and it's making everything ...groovy.
There were teddy bears, and dancing skeletons every where, then it turned bad.
And the evil skeletons became naughty.
Man just goes to show you never trust a hippie. The bears tear into my armor while the skeletons threaten to make me "feel good". I freak out and hit every button firing all the weapons. That destroys a few, and gets me a whole mouth full of liquors.
The bears and the skeletons rip their way into my armor. My fear makes my TK go nuts destroying everything in my way. It also made me pee myself a little. I think the adrenaline made my healing factor kick in because everything went back to normal.
There's armored bodies every where. Whoops. I'm gonna get grounded for this. I throw off the last vestiges of the armor and fly home I need a shower, some sleep, and I may need to go to rehab. I keep thinking I forgot something.
Meanwhile at the battle field... “Master I am stuck to the armor its reactor is about to explode! Master? AAAAAHHHHH!!!!"