Friday, July 4, 2008

Bring It On!

I opened my eyes. I turned to my left, then to my right. To my surprise, I saw the hottest, most cutest, delightfulest man-toy I'd ever seen.

"Oh my God, you're like, so hot!" I shrieked to him, my mouth watering. "Look at that sexy peach fuzz!"

Looking around I saw a class of people staring at me. Like, what was going on? The last thing I remembered, I was in some room, with electical thingies and switches. Now, I was in a classroom.

I looked down at myself. Where were my hot girly clothes? I was wearing a sweatshirt with a mustard stain on it! I peaked into my sweatshirt. Where there were once bountiful bosoms, there were now only breast buds! What was going on?!

"Cleavage-generation powers, activate!" No response! My buds didn't even sprout an inch. I started to cry.

"Gabriel? Gabriel Gray? Do we have a problem?" asked the teacher.

"Yes! My boobies are missing!" I answered.

The bell rang. The class starting moving towards the door. I followed them, wondering where to go next. I stopped in the hall, and saw a sign that said "Cheerleading Tryouts - Today in the Gym." Well, what do you know? It seemed I was young again! By the look of my breast buds, I'd say I was 13. And now, with these tryouts, I'd have a chance to fulfill my dream of being a cheerleader! Hooray! I headed towards the locker room to get changed.

I got into uniform, and damn did my 13 year old body look sexy. Proceeding on, I moved to the gym, where I was greeted by the coach.

"Um, you know, there are male cheerleading uniforms, too, right?" she asked.

"Oh, I know. But those don't do justice to my sexiness."

In the stands sat the hot boy from my class. He looked down at me and laughed. "Hey everyone, look! It's Gabriel Gay!" Everyone laughed at his like, totally awesome insult!

I fired back a comeback. "Oh yeah, well, you're like, totally hot!"

He snorted, "Hey everyone! Gabriel Gay is talking all Gay!"

I was furious. I lifted my finger, ready to chop some skulls. But I couldn't! My super mind trick, I didn't have that power anymore either! How would I like, defeat my super hot crush arch-nemesis now?

I had an idea. I walked into the stands to face him. "Yeah, what do you want, Gay?"

"I want you, sexy." And with that, I planted a huge kiss on his face. We're talkin' a real makeout session here. And it was hot. His manly fuzz tickled my lips. It was worth the punch in the face I got two seconds later.

So now, I lie on the ground, with a black eye and a tent pitched. The super cute boy is being accused of homosexuality, and I'm being offered a spot on the cheerleading team by the coach.

"Well," she said, "since you're the only boy to try out, we have a spot for you on our team. But, you'll have to wear the guy uniform."

"NOOooOOcoOOooOOOoOO!" I shrieked in dismay.

And so, I spent the rest of my week as a 13 year old touching young girls and looking up their skirts. What a waste.


Mr. Bennet said...

Great! Just what I need. Another pre-teen cheerleader in my life.

Professor Xavier said...

Cleavage generation power? Now that sounds like an amazing gift.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I gotta admit, you look pretty good as a 13 year old.