Ch. 3: West vs. the Invasion

We were given our profiles of one of the six variants of silicon mice and proceeded through the Old Gladiator’s Home. Hotstuff seemed to be making the most progress, but this was a task too daunting for any one contestant.

I looked at the profile for my variant, and decided that it would be best to construct a robot mouse to lure the mice into a trap. I read an article once about robot cockroaches that could influence how other cockroaches behaved, so I based my robot mouse design on that.

I may hate robots, you know, but I’m good at making them. I once made robots that set fire to the local Radio Shack. All I had to do this time around was scrounge for parts from the old Gladiators’ pacemakers and hearing aids.

I completed my robot mouse and set it loose, but then I smelled something odd. I looked around and saw Hotstuff passing around gas masks, and before I knew it, I was unconscious. When I awoke, it was like I was Gulliver tied down by the Liliputians, but instead they were cartoon mice! I knew that my variant was going to look like that, due to their cels, but seeing them in person was scarier than I imagined. I stood and shook the creatures off, but a girl mouse stayed stuck in my pocket until I took off my shirt.

Then this cartoon cockroach came up to me and attacked me. I’m like, “What the hell?”

And the cockroach was like, “Thanks for arming our rodent enemies with a vicious robot, you jerk!”

And I’m like, “Robots are bad, but the robots I control are good!”

And it’s like, “You are so naïve, kid.”

So I built a robot cockroach like the kind that I read about in the article, and it was an epic battle of the cartoon mice and their robot versus me, my robot cockroach, and the cartoon roaches. The kitchen of the Old Gladiators’ Home was littered with exoskeletons and bloodied fur as the two forces met.

“Do svidaniya!” The mouse named Fievel said as he leapt onto my shoulder and tried to chew my ears off, but my robot cockroach electrocuted his American Tail to death. Then the king of the cartoon cockroaches and the cartoon mice turned to me.

“The battle between our armies shall be decided by this interloper!” the king of the roaches cried.

“The robots must face off with each other!” Basil, king of the mice, replied.

I watched as my robot creations tore each other apart, until the mouse robot, the one that had betrayed me, was destroyed. The silicon mouse variant that I had been tasked with capturing, the cartoon mouse sub-species, conceded defeat, and followed me as prisoners of war.
The king of the roaches thanked me for my help, and I took the ruined machines that I created and turned it into the ultimate robot chimera. Returning to my teammates, I handed over my mouse-luring-and-killing drone, as well as the mice I collected as prisoners of war.

I smiled modestly into the camera. I don’t do this for the fame. I do this because I’m West Rosen, and because I can.

A better Mousetrap... Somewhat (Erifia)

Frankly… It seems like Jon is just getting us to do his chores. Well, not just frankly. Honestly, It seems like Jon is just getting us to do his chores. I seem to remember several other competitions like this… Fighting off an Invading Force = Jon Chore. Cleaning out the Sidekick room in the first LGS = Jon Chore. Killing space mice = Jon Chore.

Thanks Jon. Glad to know I can do your chores.

So, I had to build a better mouse trap… My mouse trap is usually a thermal detonator and a will to blow things up.

“Erifia!” Becca yelled as she came running up to me…



“Becca did you change your hair?”

“I don’t know.”

“Your clothes?” I asked.

“I don’t know.”

Maybe it was a new mask… I don’t know… Oh God, now I’m doing it.

“Becca why are you all dressed… Up? Or Down… Why are you wearing a bikini?”

“Like, I want to see Garth and Hub… They are handsome men…I would be Hub’s Jasmine any day of the week.”



“Fine… Maybe you can come… Help me think…” I started laughing and she put her hand on her hip, “Don’t matter if I can’t think,” she said, “You know I look good.” She snapped her fingers and walked out.

~*~

Becca the Magnificent was incorrigible. She walked up to Garth and Hub, and their Nephew, they were sitting on the porch with guns. I often wonder why they always carry guns, but I imagine the Space Rats were large.



“Hey Hub,” she said, while he sipped on a glass of lemonade.

“Yup,” he said in a low drawl, then he spit a little in a can.

“I’ll be your Jasmine…”

“Nope,” he said frankly, and Becca’s eyes started to water. That was a good come on line… She ran inside…

“Hey Erifia,” Hub said, as he spit into a can, “Better go save her… There are R.O.U.S. in there.”

I picked up my C.E.L.L. Com, and I dialed a friend’s number, I got his answering machine… I left him a short, brief message.

~*~

R.O.U.S.s That’s not good. That’s not good at all. I had to come up with a plan. I went into the ship and grabbed myself a fishing pole, and a hook. Sometimes, the classics you can’t beat.

I went up the stairs, I didn’t see any signs of R.O.U.S.s Up stairs at all. They probably can’t climb stairs. They are big fat little things. They can barely move at all… No bother.



I looked down. There was Becca… Sitting there with a platter of cheese. (Cheese in an old persons home? I thought they preferred Prunes) And a shirt on… She must have been really distraught.



She grabbed a piece, brought it towards her mouth, and a R.O.U.S. Leapt across and grabbed the cheese, she went to bite, and I heard her teeth touch. She growled, then said, “Ooo, Cheese.” And she grabbed another piece and the same thing happened.

I don’t know (I need to stop saying that) if she noticed the R.O.U.S.s stealing her cheese, or if she just thought she didn’t grab a chunk of cheese to begin with.

I hooked a slice of Swiss cheese, and I let it lay on the platter.



Soon enough she grabbed it, I waited with bated breath. There was a R.O.U.S. ready to jump for it. I knelt back, feet against the banister, and I felt a tug, and I started reeling it in.

I caught one, I used the classic trick to do it! For the win! For the win!

“AAAAHHHHHHH MYYYYY MOOOOUUUTHHHH!!!!”



Ooops.

Then the tension on my line loosened and there was a man standing there, not just any man, but my friend.



“Forget about Jasmine,” Becca said pulling the hook out of her mouth, “I’ll be your buttercup.”

“Erifia!” He shouted, “Behind you!” I pulled out my light saber and I swung into the R.O.U.S. coming at my back, so they can come up stairs.

Needless to say, my old sword fighting instructor and I made short work of the R.O.U.S.s in the Secondhand Old Gladiators Home. One need not build a better mousetrap I guess, one just need find really big rats and beat them down with sabers and swords.

“Yes,” He said to Becca, taking her hand and pulled her to him in an embrace, “You can be my Buttercup, if I can be your Wesley.”

They walked into the sunset and then they kissed.



I went out on the porch with Garth and Hub, they handed me a glass of Lemonade and I had their nephew fetch me my sniper rifle.

A man in a car pulled up, “Hey today I want to sell you…”

“Go ahead,” Garth said, “Have at it Blue.”

I raised my gun…

Hugs and Kisses,
Erifia Apoc

PS. 2… Shoot me. Please.

A little Cat and Mouse?

Jon gave the challenge. While my other teammates planned and tried to strategically come up with something I was thinking about when Magdalena was on LSG. It was the second challenge and they had to race...

I remember that a lot of the contestants had some problems at this OLD Gladiators home...

"What was it that Jon said just before the 2nd challenge of the original LSG?" I mumbled but no one heard, " I think it was, ' then meet the most horrifying obstacle imaginable -- The Old Gladiator's Home. You will need to avoid a legion of retired combatants who want to tackle you and tell you about the good ol' days.'.


This couldn't be good...

"Gee there's six species of cute little space mice and six of us. Like thats so N'synch." chirped Sylar.

"Your right Sylar. You could almost think that it was some kind of plot device." I stated, I disagree with the whole N'synch thing but he did have a point. 6 species and 6 of us....

I mean what are the odds... Surely there was something going on here.

So we each got assigned a silicon space mouse to try and capture.

Koma was mentioning where each one was and there was one that had made the Ol Gladiator home it's happy home...

I crossed my fingers and whispered to myself with my eyes closed, "Don't pick me, dont pick me. I don't want to loose this competition because I was stuck talking about the good old days with some guy that smells like ben-gay."

Just then Koma handed me a folder, "You got the one in the ..."

"NO!!!!!" I yelled as I saw that he gave me the one from the home... Well at least I got the small one.

So I bulked up the courage to go to the home...

As soon as I got there it started...

"Look I am really sorry, but there is a space mouse infestation and I have to build a better mouse-trap." I explain...

One smiled, "Oh I will help. Let me get my..." Before I knew it. He was standing before me...

What was I to do?

I then had an Idea... Ever heard of snipe hunting?

"OK take this bag and wait way over there. When I blow fire they will run and you can catch them." I smile


He looked at me. "Do you have anything to eat?"

I couldn't leave him there, so I ran quickly and made him some cabbage soup.. I can't cook so I just added anything... "Here."


While he waited I went to find my mouse... Another old Gladiator came to me this one creepier...
"I am sorry but.." He interrupted me..
He smiled, "you are the exterminator, you are here to get rid of my friends and I can't let you do that."

He then picked up a space mouse, "My name is Willard. The others always tease on me because they say I am the lamest but now I will get even."

The space mouse hissed at me..




I saw my mouse... He looked at Willard and Willard shook his head and then Willard pulled a lever.

I was so busy studying a weired metal band on the mouse's left ear that I didn't see the old emo Gladiator pull it..

The sidewalk dropped and I went free falling. I could see the the large jagged and spiked rocks under me...




Willard had under estimated the fact I could fly... So after flying out of the hole I flew to a near by internet cafe. I was sure that this space mouse wasn't your ordinary space mouse.

It seem to talk to Willard telepathically. Perhaps it was special. To build a mouse trap, I needed to know my mouse.

I would have to find out about that metal band with numbers.

I logged on to Capsule Corp with my User name and password...

Papa Wolfgang was working late but was able to tell me that the band belonged to Tri-ex.

I did some Google research and learned that Tri-EX was a government funded organization...
After furthur research I discovered that the police was called by a security guard. When the Police got there they claimed some kids got in the security booth outside and made the call.. All was well...

Something didn't seem right...

I managed to get a hold of the security guard that called. "It was a cover up. They don't want anyone knowing that the specimens have escaped..."

I continued to listen. He coughed, "It was the lab with the area 51 experiments."

"What are the area 51 experiments?" I asked

"Ever heard of area 51?" He paused and then continued, "well Tri-Ex has a Government grant. They test on all kinds of animal. Everyone knows this.. They test make up products to vaccinations. What people don't know is that all the illegal experiments that aren't sanctioned are done in a special lab called Area 51."

"go on."

"Anything from Bio-warfare testing to genetic resequencing .. You name it they have it in there. The animal activist stumble on it by accident. They were killed my some of the space mice that were in the lab being experimented on and then the mice.. they got loose."


After confirming that my space mouse was one of the altered one from one of these Nasty experiments, I realized a simple mouse trap would not work.

The mouse was intelligent, telepathic and horny, so with the infestation of available space mice in the retirement home this littler bugger found himself a harem and breed himself an army.

It must have been using Willard. First I had to deal with Willard, then build a trap that could capture my mouse and the offspring... and I had to do it by Friday

and today was...


I needed a way to get a smart telepathic space mouse into the trap.. cheese? no peanut butter?
I could use my breath of fire, if it worked I could build a flame thrower - mouse trap. No that is lame.

I was building a cage when I saw a commercial for a microchip cat flap. The light bulb went off...
I got several and fixed the doors (which were the size for the mice) with these flaps..

My cage had several doors each programmed to a chip and every cat got the same chip. I then gathered up my cats.

I returned to the home where I saw that old gladiator still standing there with a bag... I shook my head and continued...

I set my cages with a cat at every entrance of the home.... Now how to deal with Willard? I saw the Old Gladiator still standing with the bag... Why not let One old guy take the other one...

I carried my trap over to where he stood...

"Where is the mice?" he yelled...

I smiled, "Change of plan.. Willard has gone bad and needs to be secured.."

He shook his head and went after Willard.. I set my cage in the center of the Retirement home..
I hope this works...
Just as I was about to press the button and let the cats loose. The Mouse approach speaking to me telepathically...

"You can't win..." He hissed

The old Gladiator came barging in and smiled, "We got WILLARD!"

I smiled and answered, "and now we get our Mouse!" I pressed the button and called, "here Kitty kitty kitties!" I saw it in my head, the cats are released and run chasing the mice.. They chase them toward the trap, the cats' collars open the door the mice go inside...

I heard telepathic laughter... The cats all ran the opposite way.. Looks like they were 'fraidy cats.

The sinister Space Mouse approached and spit out the chip.. ewww He had already eaten one of the cats...

I watched as the chip bounced to my feet and all the doors of my cage opened up... "get in." it stated as hordes of space mice surrounded me.

Just then the old Gladiator made a sound... PFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTttttttttttttttttttttttt

The Gladiator chuckled, "Sorry, its the cabbage, I had for lunch... It was really good to."

I braced myself, trying hard not to loose consciousness.. Suddenly all the mice.. including the Large ugly one ran in the cage... I heard it screaming telepathically, "shut the doors please.."

I smiled... "Stay right here."


Koma sat waiting for me to present my mouse trap... I closed all the doors and windows in the old retirement home...

I handed him and everyone a gas mask... I set my cage in the center I opened the doors to it, then I escorted in the old fellas... Fed them some of that weird cabbage soup I made and gave Koma the recipe then ...

pfttttttt...................


all the space mice ran into the cage...

okay I built the cage and made the soup... but Hacknor supplied the old farts...

The Malfian Mouse Trap - The begining....

So after being set the task of building a better mouse trap Bennet tried to do the leader thing again. He set about tellin us how he wanted to build a better mousetrap. Ciera and I looked at each other and sighed.
"What we have here isn't just a mice problem. We have a great product we can exploit. These mice, once dead, would make the perfect breast implants for the celebrity elite." He ordered.
"But they're disease ridden!" exclaimed Ciera being the top Star Fleet Sheila she is.

"Yes of course we'll work out those bugs later." ignored Bennet. He went away to do something else and left Me and Ciera to get stuff done.

If you want to catch something you find out just what it is. I sent out West, Hot Stuff and Sylar to go and capture some silicon mice. I gave them each a tried and well tested mouse trap for them to be able to catch enough for some base testing.
They caught nuthin.
"The mice just busted out of the trap?" complained West.
"Yeah my trap didn't have all the pieces." agreed Hot Stuff.
I asked them where Sylar was. They didn't know so we went looking. We found him in the fields like this.
"The mice won the game and I got caught. LOL!" giggled Sylar.

Hopefully research would give us better results. It did. It seems that there are six different species of silicon mouse, each with their own defensive and offensive traits. However there were two things that remained the same. They were very intelligent and they had hard exo-skeletons that protected a soft gooey inside.
"Oh! like a Republican.". I love Republicans they're delicious!" exclaimed Sylar.
"These guys don't taste like Lobsters." explained Ciera. "They are all dangerous and can produce psychotropic effects."

"Psycho-what?" asked West.

"Its like taking a load of LSD and going on a trip. One you might not come back from." warned Ciera.

"I used to listen to LSD. They're and Australian band aren't they Koma?" asked Bennet.

"Mate I think you mean LRB. Little River Band. And yes they were originally Australian." I replied.
"Gee there's six species of cute little space mice and six of us. Like thats so N'synch." chirped Sylar.

"Your right Sylar. You could almost think that it was some kind of plot device." continued Hot Stuff.

"Its a conspiracy of some kind." added West. Who added more. "Cause they all have different ways of doing things that have been described only vaguely to us. As if someone didn't want to write all the information so others could feel free to add what they wanted."

"Its coincidence, plain and simple." I corrected. "Find out the specific weakness and trap the species you've been assigned. Then we'll add your traps together to make the ultimate mouse trap."

"Yay! :)" shouted Sylar.

Sylar can shout in emoticons. Thats the last thing we need, a teammate with Space Tourrets!"

To be continued.

Challenge #3

The challenge has been cast. The gauntlet thrown down. Many have been called, few have answered. On the planet Hacknor... On Fire Island D, brave contestants will compete. Who will falter? Who will thrive? Who will be

I’ve got good news and bad news, gladiators.

The good news is that you get to visit the Old Gladiator’s Home on Fire Island V2, the bad news is that the place is infested with space mice.

Yes, space mice, those little creatures that seem to thrive in the oddest places. Though they typically aren’t harmful and are occasionally friendly towards humans, these wily and hardy silicon-based rodents have been known to survive the harshest conditions, chew through wiring, power conduits, and couplers, and carry diseases like the dreaded Space Tourrets Syndrome, the Blue Flu, and the Robot Blues. So be careful!

Your job is to invent a new space mousetrap, catch all those little buggers that you can! Work alone or with teammates, it’s up to you, but the important thing to remember is that these rodents are more than meets the eye (well not literally, they’re not going to transform into a jet plane or a boom box or anything).

Also remember, if you build a better space mousetrap, then the universe will beat a space bath, er space path to your space door.

Good luck and good hunting.

Last Gladiator Standing III was brought to you in part by Magneto Tea.




Magneto Tea, now with more iron!

Challenge #2, the vote

Well gladiators, it looks like the Mutants on the Bounty may be playing the game, but the Malians are playing for keeps.

Or something like that.

Who thought he had a hunger for excitement and a thirst for adventure but it turns out it was just for a Reuben sandwich and a tall glass of lemonade?

Come to think of it, a Rueben sandwich and a glass of lemonade does sound pretty good right now.

Gyrobo, you are not the Last Gladiator Standing, goodbye.

Guess that voting for yourself gambit didn’t pay off too well, did it?

Stay tuned for the next challenge.

Last Gladiator Standing III was brought to you in part by Green Jedi.




Green Jedi! Mmm, that's good corn!

Judge Results

Well, it’s certainly been interesting to see how you all go about achieving a goal. Or at least attempting to achieve a goal.

Kon El: Where exactly do you keep a supply of Hostess hot pies? Wait, I really don’t want to know. You have a lot of baggage that seems to follow you around.

Professor X: You know, your hyperactive sex drive might have a biological root, perhaps you have a tumor? Otherwise, you’re a dirty old man. Bad! Bad Professor! Focus on the task at hand.

Gyrobo: I never knew cooking could be so relevant or erratic.

Nephria: I think you and Erifia could do with some counseling to get over your issues. And I’m pretty sure blowing up the other team counts as cheating. Nice effort, though

Erifia: If you’re going to be lured to one side or the other, those better be some good cookies. And if that is your weak point, I suggest chatting with Koma about a divine little cookie called TimTam.

Koma: I like your use of established plans. If it ain’t broke, why fix it?

West: Kid, you’ve got some issues, but good work none the less.

Ciera: Good job, though you got lost in the sea of weirdness that are your teammates.

Sylar: Uhh.. let me come back to you

Hotstuff: I once went to a parade down in the meat packing district of Coruscant that I think you would have fit right in at. Perhaps you should encourage your team to let you use your strong points, not stick you in short skirts.

Mr. Bennet: You have quite a range of foes. Nice job on the landing.

Sylar: Good use of horses? They do go rather unused on most ships.

After reviewing the video, the winner of this weeks challenge is

Captain Koma!

Nicely done Captain. Your use of the tried and true though yet unperformed Obi-Wan future maneuver is what won you the challenge. You never know where Imperial era ideas will show up next.