Ch. 2: West vs. the Galactic Overlords minions

I had that bloody robot right where I wanted him, and then he went and shot me!

(‘Bloody’ in this case is meant as an expletive. Everyone knows robots can’t really bleed. They have no hearts, those heartless creatures! Anyway, ‘bloody’ is an expression I picked up from my new friend, Captain Koma. He’s the world’s greatest defender of Australia. I think he’s totally an alien. I mean, Oz is almost like another planet, right?)

So anyway, I woke up in this weird dimension of sight and sound…and the only word I could think to describe it is ‘fabulous.’

“There’s a gay bar on this ship?” I asked, my voice hoarse after being attacked by the robot troopers. “I mean, were Koma and I even reading the right map?”

“They come standard on all Galactic Overlord ships,” a trooper replied gruffly. “But we’re the one asking the questions here, and the question is—can you keep up with us on the dance floor? Mwahahahaha!”

My captors pushed me into this disco supernova, and with the muzzles of their laser guns digging into my back they forced me to dance to Placebo, TRex and Roxy Music. A never-ending beat tore at my eardrums, and colored lights hypnotized me until I was in their thrall.

“What is the weakness of the Intergalactic Gladiators?” A robot trooper hissed into my ear as he ground against my hip. “Tell us or we’ll force-feed you Bacardi Mojitos!”

“Noooooooooooooooooo!” I wailed, but the dulcet tunes of Kelly Clarkson drowned out my despair.

“The prisoner is resisting our interrogation!” the lead robot yelled, then poured the Mojito down my throat.

“We know your accomplice deactivated our shields, and that your other two accomplices are sexy and feisty. We suspect there are more following. We also know that none of this matters, for we shall conquer Hacknor. Now tell us everything you know!”

“Okay, okay!” I cried out. “My name is West Rosen. I am an alien god from St. Louis. I can fly circles around you pathetic robots! And…” my resolve was weakening. “And…” I heard laser fire and shouts over the music. “And all you bastards are going to fall by Koma’s hand!”

The battle was fierce, but Koma emerged from the smoke of burning trooper robots victorious and unscathed. (Or maybe the smoke was from the smoke machine? It was hard to tell, the Bacardi was making me tipsy.)

I ran up to Koma and gave him a big hug.

“Bloody kids,” he muttered and pushed me away. “C’mon mate, we need to clear out so Bennet and Sylar can finish this off.”

“Wait!” I cried as we were about to leave the Invisible Gland’s gay bar. “There’s still something that we’ve got to do!”

I grabbed a blaster from a fallen trooper and shot apart the bar’s sound system.

“What the bleedin’ hell was that about?” Koma asked.

I pointed at the sign above the DJ’s booth: In case of emergency, this sound equipment operates as an auxiliary shield generator.

“Robot technology is sinister like that.” I quipped. I handed the blaster to Koma. "I guess I owe you a life debt now, Captain."

Ch2: Mutants on the Bounty....er Executive

I like Xavier. I especially like his haircut. With his advanced telepathic abilities, he was able to create a high-quality blueprint of the Executive so we at least had a roadmap of the territory we were going into.



However, for a telepath, he’s not the most observant person I’ve met. I mean, let’s take Erefia: she hates me. I can understand why: she is a Jedi and I am a Sith – it’s just the way of things. I once tried to turn her to the dark side, and would have succeeded were it not for the fact that she wanted to return to the Jedi order, confused as she was at the time.

But all that aside, we definitely have some history. During our team briefing, when the plans were discussed and explained, Erifia glared at me the whole time. And being the Sith that I am, I returned the favor in kind.

At the end of the briefing, however, Xavier decided that the teams were going to be divided by gender: girls, boys, and genocidal robots. Girls have the bridge, boys have the engine room, and the robots….well, Gyrobo could do whatever the hell he wanted.

Erifia looked about as happy about the arrangement as I did: she wasn’t. But in the name of the gladiatorial competition, we bit our tongues and moved forward.

Erifia said she didn’t have enough fuel in her ship to take it and said we had to take mine – and she didn’t even offer to pay for some of the gas. Just like Jedi: they are all just so cheap – the Temple doesn’t pay squat.

However, as we approached the Executive, it was almost as if they were expecting us: one of the landing bays was left open and unprotected. It was way too easy.

It wasn’t until we left the docking area did we find out the ship was under an advanced alert. Someone had told them we were coming and I was sure it was those Malfians.

We finally encountered a large group of soldiers on our way to the bridge. Our main defense was to deflect their blaster fire back at them with a more direct approach for those that got within saber range.

In our spare moments, we took pot shots at one another: it was a lot of fun. I think Erifia took it a little too seriously because she force shoved a group of soldiers in my direction after I sucker punched her in the middle of what she referred to as a “graceful maneuver.” Those Jedi: it’s always form over function with them.

Getting to the bridge was actually a great deal of fun – a lot of work, but I felt a sense of accomplishment when we got there.

The person at the helm was an interesting looking specimen: I’d seen characters like him at pod races in the Hutt box seats. After discovering neither of us had green eyes, he became incensed and summoned these warriors that reminded me a lot of Jedi, except they didn’t have light sabers, just some metal swords that were of no use. They were dispatched with a little force lighting, knocking them all back.

”You could learn to do that also if you would return to the dark side,” I told Erifia, then smiled wide. “Our benefits are even better now: we have cookies.”

A few of the warriors started waking up again and Erifia took up a defensive pose, “No, I’m good – literally – and I’m going to stay here.” She did a roundhouse kick on the first warrior that approached her, knocking him cold. A second was behind Erifia and I threw my saber at him: Erifia ducked just in time for me to take him out. It’s a shame she declined my offer, I think we work well together.

The strange-looking man at the helm appeared to have his own Force powers, as I saw a burst of light come from his mouth aimed at Erifia. She nimbly jumped out of the way and up to a light protruding from the ceiling. When the man fired light at her again, she dropped, landing on him and then began beating the living daylights out of him until he lay battered and unconscious. It’s a crying shame, indeed, she declined becoming my apprentice.

I heaved a sigh and moved to the empty helm console. “You know,” I began as I used the console to maneuver the ship into position, “If we took out the Invisible Gland, we could make this gladiatorial competition a lot easier.”

She stood up once again and put her hands on her hips. “You know, Nepharia, that’s the first thing you’ve said all night that I actually agree with.” We both smiled.

Moving to the weapons console, I heard something. Nepharia….

I stopped a moment and looked at Erifia. She looked at me and asked “What are you waiting for?”

Nepharia, I sense you are planning on doing something foolish. It was Xavier.

Well aren’t you just the sensitive little telepath, I thought back. I thought about eliminating the competition, if you must know.

While I admit that getting rid of the Malfians would rid the blogging universe of a certain amount of insanity, it may disqualify you as a gladiator, he thought.

Do you honestly think that a little thing like being disqualified as a gladiator would stop me from wonton killing? I asked.

Well….no, but I thought I’d give it a try….he responded. How about we discuss this later after we get back to the gladiators’ dorm?

How about we go back to the gladiators’ dorm and play Master and Apprentice? I suggested.

Long pause.

I’m game, so long as you don’t destroy the other ship, he finally thought.

Nice try, I thought before reaching out and pressing the launch button on the weapons console. Except nothing happened. I ran to the communications console and hailed the weapons section, but it came up on caller ID as “Galley”.

“This is Nepharia, Erefia and I are on the bridge – we need weapons control now!”

“Why?” I heard a strangely familiar voice answer

”Because we’re coming under attack,” I answered. “Who is this?”

”It’s Gyrobo,” he answered indignantly. “I didn’t hear any attacks,” he said.

”Dammit, Gyrobo, give me weapons control now!” I yelled into the comm, grabbing the sides of the terminal.

”I can’t,” he answered calmly; “I took them offline.”

”You what!?” I screamed, squeezing the terminal so hard a piece of it broke off in my hand. “Why on earth would you do that?” I asked, tossing the broken piece to the deck.

”Why, I’m baking a soufflé and I didn’t want it to fall,” he answered as if it made perfect sense.

I don’t remember destroying the communications panel, just the smell of freshly burnt electronics.

Xavier, I hope you enjoy playing an apprentice, I thought as I left the bridge

Shutting Down the Shields

Now where was it?????

Ah yes first the strip club and then the shield generator
Training for tonights show

Then I gotta avoid the guards
Now a lesson for you all. This is how you do it.
Like a sneaky bastard.

Now thats done time to save Westy

Boxes Boots and Balls

At the Malfian team meeting we worked out our secret handshake and the Malfian theme song.

It goes - Donny Most must die. Die die die. Its a nice little ditty put together by Bennet.

Also that Sylar guy prepared a lovely curry. I asked him what it was he called it Jamaican Gumbo. Bennet our leader started talking 'bout paper and killing the other contestants. Yeah right! As if he's a leader. Bennets so crazy he could puzzle a possum. So's I take charge and set stuff up.

I put myself in the sneaky advance party. Young Westy puts his hand up and volunteers for it. Thats something you gotta respect, unfortunately if he didn't come on the advance party the whole incident wouldn't have happened.
Ya see Westy's a few Kangaroos short of the top paddock, if you know what I mean.

Oh! you don't know what I mean.

He's got some kind of psychosis that makes him think everyone's a robot. Well not everyone just people who he doesn't like. It comes together in this huge conspiracy that he's made up. Apart from that he's your regular teen.

I asked young Westy if he had any experience in being a sneaky bastard and he was a bit surprised. It wasn't the sneaky it was my casual bloody swearing.
"Captain if I swore like that the robots would wash my mouth out." he told me.

Nothing wrong with the words that I use. Its natural for an Ozzie to swear a bit. C'mon didn't you see the tourism add with the hot chick askin' "Where the Bloody Hell are ya?"

He seemed a bit happy bout finding that out.
He told me "When I get the back from this bloody reality game show I'm gonna move to your bloody country."

Course you can kid. We only stop refugees and Muslims, cause your President told us to.
So while we waited for Ciera and Hot Stuff to get their distraction underway I taught Westy a few sneaky bastard tricks.
"You kick guys in the groin? Thats low." exclaimed Westy.
Nah mate! Their called Balls or Nuts. Callin' it the groin, Ha! thats PC sh!t. This kids got a lot to learn bout bein' a hero and adventuring.
"But what if someone kicks me there?" he asked.
Good question Westy. You wear one of these.
"A Cup?" he protested.
Mate! thats not a cup its a BOX. Ya put a drink in a cup not your balls.
He went all red. What is it with kids these days. I gave him his box and told him to wear it.
"Is it new?" he asked.
No its the one I used when I assaulted the castle of Lesbian Vampires.
"Really?" he replied
Yeah right as if!

Finally Ciera teleported us over.

Ciera was able to hack a map of the ship.
She was a good hacker well trained typical Star Fleet hack, by the book. Thing is if you want to be a sneaky bastard you don't do it by the book do you. Cause the bad guys have already read the book and got sneaky too. So halfway through we got company.
"Halt! don't move." shouted a guard.
Ok kid just follow my lead. I whispered to Westy.
"Put your weapons down and turn around slowly." the guard ordered.
I put my blaster down and turned around Westy followed suit. He took one look at the two guards and he started sweating.
"Robots..." he mumbled under his breath.
The guard came over and came to pat us down. He went to me first. It was no robot, just your run of the mill trooper. When he finished checking for weapons he took his eyes off me and started moving to Westy.
I took my chance and kicked him in the nuts. He went down like sack of spuds, steel capped boots'll do that. I picked up my blaster and fired at the other trooper I winged him.
Time run kid. I told West. But he'd lost it. He ran at the wounded trooper.
"Robot I'm gonna kill you." he screamed.
The trooper took one look at him and fired. Westy fell on the trooper he was shot but not fatally. The mission was the important thing otherwise Hacknor would be obliterated.
I had to finish the mission then save Westy.

Team 1 - Operation Diversion pt 2 Ciera's POV

I have to admit - .creating the holosuit for HotStuff was fun...He just looked so darn cute! Even Kon thought so.

Flying my ship towards the enemy was the easy part. After we were boarded and HotStuff went back to keep them busy with his charms I kept myself busy creating a small swarm of sensor ghosts for the enemy ship. And for good measure, I jammed their comm lines, I even managed to hack in far enough to mess up their inship communications.

At the same time I keep trying to coach HS along... he doesn't make a very good girl. Even I'm not buying his act, his high pitched girly voice still sounds guy-ish. He's trying though. From the chatter I hear in my ear, he's not a very good dancer if he can't lead.

They're trying to hack my ship, having traced the source of the intererence...I hate it when that happens. HS said something I heard with only one ear. "Keep them busy HS!"

A large arm comes around in front of me and puts me in a headlock just as Hotstuff asks me if I want to trade places with him ---- uhm...YES!

I struggle against my captor, unable to see anything beyong meaty hands and the clock ticking on the control board. Koma and West are waiting for me to beam them over to the other ship so that they can take out the shields. I kick backwards and bite down on my captors arm. He cries out...I hear a small blast and the guy goes down. I turn to see my sidekick Kirk standing there grinning at me.

"I might not be able to help you out with the challenge," he said. "But no ones gonna hurt my girl."

Awww...

Just then...my timer goes off...and so does the fire alarms and suppression system. Foam is showering down on me.

"What the heck? Who triggered the fire suupression system?"

I hurry to my control panel, to see that the arlarm was activated in the back...where Koma and West had hidden in the tiny transporter room.

"Sorry, Ciera...I tripped and hit the button on the wall," answered one of them.

"Never mind!" With one hand I work at shutting them off and with the other, I beam the two of them over.

"Ciera!" said HS hurrying into the cockpit. "We got a problem, one guy got off an alert.. Please tell me you are done.."

"Koma and West are over there...I just have to shut these alarms down and keep them busy..." My tiny ship rocks as they blast us with some sort of laser. "Great. Kirk, you and HS head back to the gun turrets...I'll fly evasive manuevers until the ship quits firing."

The two head off to the back.

As I continue working and I hear my ships guns firing back, I couldn't help but think how hilarious HS looked with half the holo suit damaged and blinking on and off!

Team 1.. Operation: Diversion.

So the meeting was called... Bennet came in with a smile, "As the leader of this group I want to say the best way we can win is by selling as much paper products as possible... What a great opportunity we have with this Overlord's officers... If they don't buy.... shoot them in the back as so.."

He points his gun st West who had his back to us..

Koma clears his throat, "You can't shoot contestants remember..." He then walks to the center of the room, kind of reminds me of my football coach, " I have a plan.. We will divide up into 3 teams.. Team 1. A diversion party- who will distract the ship while the advance party sneak on the ship, Team 2.. An advance party - who will sneak onto the ship and take out the shields and finally Team 3 The cavalry party - they will be the major force who bring the pain after the ships shields have been deactivated...."

Before Koma could finish Bennet jumps in, "Ciera! You are on Team 1.. I mean with a body like that she is sure to divert a lot of attention.."

I look at Miss Ciera and she doesn't look happy, finally she speaks after obviously carefully choosing her words, "I am well trained by Starfleet including holographic programming and other related technology! I can complete the task of diversion," she nods at Koma and then turns to Bennet, "but not because of my sex or appearance... "

As if what she said went in one ear and right out the other Bennet announces, "Fine fine.. For your protection on this assignment to play the damsel in distress, the other girl will go. HS put on your best dress. You are on Team 1!"

"WHAT!!!" I exclaimed, did this guy really still think I was girl! "Hey I am a guy!" He thought I was a girl when he picked me for this team and still he thinks I am a girl...

Koma shaking his head walked over to Ciera and myself, "The ship in distress is a good idea but... Ciera, Since your Starfleet, you are head honcho for team 1, make your plans and as soon as Team 2 gets your signal they will move.."

She nodded like a good officer and grabbed my arm pulling me out of the room... I of course was still arguing with Bennet.

Moments later...

I looked at Ciera as we made way for the transport Vessel and asked, "Please tell me again ... Why am I dressed like this?"

"Look here buckwheat - I've got the training, I know how to jam sensors, divert systems and how to use transporter beams which we will need to get team 2 on to that ship.. do you?" She looked at me sternly, one of her eyebrows raising...

I stuttered...

"I didn't think so... Now to do this I have to be in close range.. It is unlikely that ship would stop to help a ship in distress, more likely they would blow us up.." She was beginning to sound like a Vulcan... "but men in space get lonely..."

She then looked at me and flashed an evil grin, "besides you look adorable.. especially after I activated the Holo-body.."

She did a double take at me, looking in shock, "HS! stop .. stop groping yourself.."

I couldn't help it, I mean they felt .. real, "They feel real.. what is this some kind of changeling net?"

It was something I heard Galen mention before...

She laughed, "It's a holographic body that fits snuggly over yours... Now come on.."

As we were working our way to the transport Vessel I heard whistling and then someone grabbed my butt.. Oh no, NOT Kon...

I pulled away and saw Ciera about falling on the flight deck laughing... I yell, "Back OFF KON!"

He withdrew... "HS is that... oh man I do not want to know.."

He made a quick exit.. I looked at Ciera, "Thanks now I will never live this down.."
"Don't worry," she replied, still laughing. "Ni ether will he!!"

We boarded the Vessel and went up to where we needed to be... Close enough for Ciera to work her wonders...

She looked at me, "Now you hail them and when we are boarded you keep those men busy back there..." She pinted to the cargo hold, " HS don't let them come up here!"
Her hands sure did move quickly over her console, as if she'd done this a time or two before.
I saluted and then hailed the ship... "This.."

She shut the the speaker off and nudged me, "too masculine.. change your voice... like if someone kicked you... in the little boys you know.."

In a higher voice I tried again, "This is ... Kelly Ann.. We are .. um in trouble and need help.."

I couldn't believe it was working but it was.. We were being boarded... Now I had to entertain these cretins in the back while Ciera did her part...
Her hands sure did move quickly over her console, as if she'd done this a time or two before. It was really fun working with her.. Though I haven't had time to post all her jokes and teasing... I told her good luck and she chuckled, "To you too.."

I went to the back of the transport Vessel, to greet our company...

6 large males entered in their Uniforms..


"Well well well, what do we have here?" One said grabbing my arm...

In that high pitch voice I yelled as I pushed him away, "Not that kind of girl.."

Ciera put something in my ear so I could hear her and left the comm on so she could hear me...

I tried playing tea party.. But they wanted me to dance...

"Dance HS! I need more time!" I heard Ciera...

I squeaked, "NO no no.... I can't do that.. " I say to Ciera...

"Keep them busy HS!" she barked...

"Would you like to trade places with me?" I whispered over my shoulder just as one man slapped my butt...

"HEY!" As I yelled in my normal voice they looked at me strange. I had to change my voice , "I mean.. Hey.. don't do that.:"

"We can do anything we want girly...You know who we serve?" One stated...

"No..." Was what I said but actually i do lump head... was what I was thinking

"We serve Galactor the Evil Galactic Overlord !" they boasted...
"really?" I said with sarcasm

"And we are going to destroy Hacknor!" they cheered...

"Not if we can help it.." I whispered under my voice

"What was that Tramp!" One guy, the biggest one leered at me

"nothing" I tried giggling like my cousin Vella...

The biggest one licked his lips and responded, "but first girly we are going to celebrate our Victory with you!"

Gross..

"Ciera... please hurry.. things are getting ugly.." I called out... but all I hear is static in reply.

They were coming in closer...

Okay screw this .. My father raised me to fight.. As the biggest one came close I kneed him hard sending him down and then I tossed a right hook blood splattered across the bulk head...

I kicked another through some cargo boxes... Two grabbed me and I tossed them into each other and with a few more punches and a cleverly placed tea pot over the head they were out... One of the last two hit his communicator....

I blew a breath of fire at him and his buddy... Suddenly alarms began blaring and foam and lightening bolts began raining from the ceiling..

"WHAT the HELL!" I heard Ciera say, "Who triggered the fire suppression systems.."

I ran to her, "We got a problem, one guy got off an alert.. Please tell me you are done.."

TBC with Ciera's post..

Party on Dude!

I was in Kon's room where I passed out last night after our Party... Since Kon and I have made it to the 2nd challenge, we invited everyone from both teams to a party in the hot tub...

I guess I drank way too much but it was a real fun Party.

Someone nudged me, "Hey Devil.. The next challenge is up and The Malfian Tribe is having a meeting.."

"alright Mom I am up.." I grumbled and then looked a bit shocked when I saw Koma starring at me...


"Come on Kid, I have a plan.." He smiled... I stumble through the mess and out to the hall..
Nepharia, Erifia and Ciera were all giggling and looking at me...



"Fun party last night wasn't?" One teased

Another jumped in, "Especially when the LSG fans crashed it, Huh.. HS"


"Yeah I think Kon is going to get millions for this picture he took of you" The last chimed..

I looked at it.. Uh oh... Shiara is going to kill me...


Koma pulled me away and we went to the secret meeting area ....


I pulled one of the T shirts Jon had for us to wear and sat down in a chair...

I put my head in my hands... Man do I have a hang over and Somehow I got to get the negatives of that picture and all copies from Kon...