Friday, August 1, 2008

A Scavenging We Will Go

I put on my disguise, and entered the room where Professor X was waiting.

"Hi! I'm like, Nurse Sylar...ine, and I need to cut your appendix out!"

"Hellooooo nurse," Professor X responded. "Sylarine, did you say your name was?" He began sensually rubbing his metal chair against my thigh. "Anything for you."

"Really? I mean, good! Let's get started then."

"Yes, yes, right away. Have you done this before?" he asked.

"Don't worry," I said reassuringly, "I'm a brain surgeon!"

"You are?"

"In a way," I said with a wink.

"Are you coming onto me?" The Professor winked back.

"Of course! I come onto anything that moves!"

The Professor sat there in silence. He certainly wasn't moving much.

"You are certainly very insensitive to the handicapable. You remind me of a certain rude cross-dressing serial killer that I know." It was then that a look of terror came on his face. "Wait a minute...Sylarine...Sylar-ine...Sylar!"

"Hehe, yup!" I cackled. Using my power of telekinesis, I tore open his flesh, and reached my hand inside of him. He didn't scream in pain, which made me sad. Damn paraplegia! I pulled out his appendix, and turned to walk away.

"Sylar!" Xavier shouted in disbelief. "How couldn't I read your mind!"

"My wig is totally like, telepathy proof!" I said with a giggle, and then scampered away

Well, that was fun, but now it was time to put my plan into action! I hid around the corner from Xavier's room, and waited for my competition. It wasn't long before Jafar arrived. He walked into Xavier's room, stuck his hand in my premade hole, and shouted, "Fiddlesticks!" when he found nothing there.

"Now there's a surprise. I think I am gonna have a heart attack and die from that surprise," his parrot put in, "Did ya even get in there deep enough? Here, let me try." The parrot jumped into the appendix-less hole, and began digging around. Jafar stood outside, watching intently.

"Ahem," someone cleared their throat. It was Professor X. The parrot poked its head out.

"He left you alive?" it said. "Who is he, Ghandi? Well, anyways, there's nothin' in here. Let's go, Jafar."

They went outside and hopped on their magic carpet. On it was a bag full of stuff. It looked like they had most of the items already!

As the carpet lifted into the air and flew away, I followed on the ground. After a few thousand miles, they landed. I was a bit behind them, I ran to catch up.

As I approached, I saw Nepharia. Jafar was on the ground on all fours in front of her.

"Now, moo like a cow," she told Jafar.

He listened, and responded, "Mooooooo!"

Nodding in approval, she continued, "Good. Now, make love to your parrot."

"Oh come on now!" he complained.

"Sure, like that's the worst thing you've ever done," the parrot put in sarcastically.

"Oh, fine, fine," Nepharia said, "I guess you can borrow my shoes. But I want them back!"

She handed Jafar her shoes. He spoke to his parrot. "Well, that's everything but the appendix."

Oh great, I had to follow them to one more person to get that appendix. But I didn't wanna! I wonder who could have it? Oh wait, I do! So I think that means, between Jafar and I, we had all the items! Right? If they had all but the appendix, and I had the appendix, that should be all of them, shouldn't it? I wasn't sure, but I moved forward anyways.

"Ah-ha!" I said as I jumped out of the shadows, revealing myself in a cat-like pose.

"Sylar!" all three of them exclaimed.

"Activate, cleavage generation powers!" I yelled frustratingly as I pounded on my boobless chest. I looked up and saw that the three of them were staring at me, so I stammered out, "I'll be taking all of your scavenger hunt items now!"

"Sylar, are you going to kill them?" asked Nepharia, with a smile spreading across her face. "And if so, can I help?"

"Like, no, I'm not going to kill them, I'm going to do something much worse," I responded as I smiled evilly at Jafar as I took his hand and pulled him towards the magic carpet...

The wind swept through our hair as we soared through the sky, Jafar and I, on our romantic magic carpet ride.

"I can show you the world," I sang soulfully to Jafar, "Shining, shimmering, splendid. Tell me, princess, now when did you last let your heart decide?"

Jafar had a look of terror on his face. "No, stop, no!"

"A whole new world. A new fantastic point of view. No one to tell us no, or where to go, or say we're only dreaming," I continued singing.

"NOOooOOocoOOooOOOoOO!" shrieked Jafar. "Stop, stop! I'll give you the items! I'll give you the items!"

We landed the carpet, and Jafar handed over his bag of goodies. As he did, his parrot flew over to him and landed on his shoulder, addressing Jafar.

"Well of course you gave in. Who would have thought to have faith in you, Jafar? Can't stand a little singing? You don't seem to have any trouble with it when you're singing Journey in the shower! You're so pa..."

With my mind, I blew up the parrot. Feathers showered everywhere. Jafar came over and gave me a big hug. "Thank you," he said. He looked up to the heavens, and shouted, "I'm free! Free!" and then ran away in ecstasy, leaving me with the bag.

I opened the bag, and started pulling out the items that Jafar had gotten for the scavenger hunt.

West's Spy Binoculars

Gyrobo's Nuts. I'm glad Jafar found these! Last time I saw Gyrobo, all he had was these small hexagonal metal things with holes in them that you screw onto bolts.

Merlyn's Land Speeder

Hotstuff's "dragon friend," Coffee Maker

Kon El's Courage (the Cowardly Dog)

Nepharia's Stilettos (Tacky!)

Ciera's Third Grade English Teacher

Erifia's Lekku Band (She must wear this one in private. Kinky!)

Xavier's Appendix

Koma's Thong. I knew his thongs weren't just flip flops!

That was everything! I'd completed the challenge. I sat down and took a deep breath when suddenly I saw Captain Koma in front of me.

"Hey Sylar, I have a date with Chroma tonight, and I'm missing...something that I need for it. Haven't seen it have you?"

Uh, no, I'm only wearing it! I thought to myself. Koma looked angry and disgusted. Did I say that outloud?


Jean-Luc Picard said...

Is that Ciera's English teacher!

Ciera said...

That's not the Mr. Vox that I remember....

Nepharia said...

DAMMIT! I want those BACK! I have a date this weekend.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Those are Nepharia's shoes? They look like Voltron's to me.

...If Voltron hung out at a crossdresser's bar.

Professor Xavier said...

You release of course that this means I'll have to sic Wolverine on you. Nothing personally, you understand. And his skull is coated with adamantium so it can't be cut open.

Gyrobo said...

That little pink dog was the best!